 Believe it or not, we are quickly approaching the holiday season. For couples, this time of year is often decorated with the spirit of love and gratitude, the creation of new traditions and… *checks notes* ….negotiations?!
That’s right, this magical time of year can quickly turn into a tricky game of scheduling chess. Deciding where and with whom to spend your precious, and often limited, time can become an obstacle for many couples. This is especially true for couples who may be spending the holidays with each other’s families for the first time. Here are some tips to negotiate the holidays with your partner successfully:
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 I’ve been doing therapy for about 10 years now and I have worked with many couples and I wanted to share one of the most common problems that I hear about and see on my couch: that is the pursuer-distancer dynamic. Today we’re going to talk about the Sound Relationship House, a theory from John Gottman after decades of research and studying couples. This theory provides a nice structure for a relationship. As you can see, trust and commitment are pillars in a relationship, meaning that if one or both of them fall, the whole house comes down. When that happens, such as after an affair, you have to start from scratch and rebuild the foundation and go up.
Today I wanted to talk about couples and relationships. The pandemic tested a lot of them, am I right? Across the board, similarities between various types of relationships, whether poly, monogamous, queer or heterosexual, most people desire better communication, creating shared meaning or values with one another -- meaning what is the goal of the couple together -- and navigating personal differences. Most people want to feel more supported, committed, and understood.
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