Five Texting Tips From A Therapist For a Closer Relationship
Texting has become an integral part of our daily lives. It's also part of our romantic relationships. As couples therapists, we’ve seen firsthand the impact that texting can have on couples' connections. Some are good, some are bad. Here are our top 5 texting tips to help couples maintain a closer bond through digital communication.
Use Texting Mindfully
Texting can be a great tool for staying connected, coordinating plans, and expressing affection. But it should complement your relationship, not replace meaningful interactions. Avoid relying on texts to discuss important issues or deep emotions. The subtleties of face-to-face conversations can get lost in text messages. This leads to misunderstandings or feelings of detachment. A lot of hurt and confusion can be avoided when you hear your partner's tone of voice and see their face.
Try this: “I can’t wait to chat tonight about our days. My boss said the craziest thing.”
2. Opt for Calls When Emotions Run Deep To Avoid Misunderstanding
Long blocks of text may seem convenient, but when emotions are involved, a phone call can make a significant difference. It's always best to call or talk in person. Hearing your partner's voice allows you to pick up on their tone, warmth, humor, and vulnerability. It fosters a deeper sense of intimacy and connection. When you feel the need to discuss something more profound or if a misunderstanding arises, make the effort to call. If you like the process of writing out your feelings, do that in the Notes app and then communicate verbally.
Try this: “I’m feeling frustrated/misunderstood and don’t want this to spiral into a misunderstanding or long thread of texts. Can we find time for a call.”
3. Handle Upset Emotions Wisely
It's natural for conflicts to arise in any relationship. You might feel tempted to vent your frustrations through text. But doing so can escalate the situation and lead to more misunderstandings. If you're upset, use texting as a last resort. Express your feelings briefly, if necessary, and propose a time to talk over the phone or in person. This approach allows both partners to process their emotions more effectively. Communicating in person decreases miscommunication and prevents unnecessary strain on the relationship.
Try this: “It’s really important to me that we talk about this as kindly as we can. Sometimes my intentions get lost over text. I want to talk on the phone or in person. Is now a good time?”
4. Compliment and Express Affection
Texting shouldn't replace in-person affection, but it can be a beautiful addition to your relationship. Sending a thoughtful compliment or expressing your love through text can brighten your partner's day and strengthen your emotional connection. A simple "I love you" or a heartfelt compliment can go a long way in making your partner feel cherished and appreciated. Try it - but don't forget to be affectionate in person too!
Try this: “You look great today! I can’t see you but I just know.” Or, “I know you’re gonna crush your presentation.” Or, “I really appreciate how you found time to do the dishes this morning before work. You’re a great partner. I’ll clean up after dinner tonight. 🩷”
5. Avoid "Phubbing" - Prioritize Your Partner
"Phubbing," a portmanteau of "phone" and "snubbing," refers to the act of paying more attention to your phone than to the person in front of you. It's crucial to be mindful of how much time you spend texting others, especially when you're spending time with your partner. Nothing feels more dismissive than having your partner distracted by their phone when you're together. Make an effort to be present and attentive during your moments of togetherness. Avoid prioritizing digital conversations over the real-life connection you share with your partner.
If you want to take it further, challenge yourself to put your phone away while you're on a date. See how long you can go before you reach for it. It can be a fun challenge, one that you can even do together.
The Long & Short
In this digital age, texting has become a central means of communication for many couples. By using texting mindfully, you can decrease miscommunication and misunderstanding. Knowing when to switch to calls can deepen your emotional intimacy. Handling conflicts offline builds greater relationship resilience. Expressing affection with text in addition to in person can increase feelings of love. By giving your partner undivided attention, you can foster a closer, more intimate relationship with your partner.
Remember, technology should enhance our connections, not hinder them. Use it thoughtfully to strengthen your bond.
