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How to Stop Flipping Between Hope and Despair in a Relationship With A Narcissist
Couples and Relationships, Attachment, Communication Laurel van der Toorn Couples and Relationships, Attachment, Communication Laurel van der Toorn

How to Stop Flipping Between Hope and Despair in a Relationship With A Narcissist

If you have ever been in a relationship with a narcissist, you know the emotional cycle well. One moment the relationship feels promising. Your partner is warm, present, and hopeful. The next moment something shifts and you feel shut out, blamed, or dismissed. You go from believing the relationship could finally work to feeling like you will never get your needs met.

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Why EMDR Therapy Works Even If You Cannot Remember Everything That Happened
Trauma, EMDR Laurel van der Toorn Trauma, EMDR Laurel van der Toorn

Why EMDR Therapy Works Even If You Cannot Remember Everything That Happened

One of the most common things people say when they're considering EMDR therapy is some version of: I'm not sure this will work for me because I can't really remember what happened.

The memory is hazy. Or partial. Or there's no narrative at all, just a feeling, a physical response, a vague sense that something is wrong without a clear story attached to it.

That concern makes sense. It's also based on a misunderstanding of how EMDR works, and more broadly, of how trauma is stored.

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Therapy for Lawyers: How to Combat Burnout and Reclaim Meaning in Your Work
Lawyers, Burnout Laurel van der Toorn Lawyers, Burnout Laurel van der Toorn

Therapy for Lawyers: How to Combat Burnout and Reclaim Meaning in Your Work

Lawyer burnout has a particular texture.

It's not just exhaustion. Most lawyers are accustomed to being exhausted. It's the exhaustion plus the flatness. The cases you used to care about that now feel like line items. The Sunday dread that starts Friday night. The inability to remember why you chose this.

And underneath it, often, is a specific fear: if I slow down, I'll fall behind. If I feel this, I'll lose something I can't get back.

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The Joy of Missing Out: Why Feeling Glad to Opt Out Is a Sign of Growth
Holistic Therapy, Burnout Laurel van der Toorn Holistic Therapy, Burnout Laurel van der Toorn

The Joy of Missing Out: Why Feeling Glad to Opt Out Is a Sign of Growth

We hear a lot about FOMO, the fear of missing out. It’s the anxiety that everyone else is doing something better, more exciting, more meaningful. But there’s a powerful, often overlooked opposite: JOMO, the Joy of Missing Out. And far from being a sign that you’re checked out or anti-social, JOMO is actually a sign of emotional maturity, nervous system regulation, and living in alignment with your real values.

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Why Am I So Tired After EMDR Therapy?
EMDR Laurel van der Toorn EMDR Laurel van der Toorn

Why Am I So Tired After EMDR Therapy?

You walked out of your EMDR session feeling like you'd run a marathon. And now you're wondering: is this normal?

The answer, almost certainly, is that nothing went wrong. EMDR fatigue is one of the most common experiences people report after processing sessions, and it has a clear explanation.

Your brain just did something genuinely demanding. Here's why.

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Anxiety vs. OCD: Why It Feels Different in Your Body and Brain
Anxiety, Depression, OCD Laurel van der Toorn Anxiety, Depression, OCD Laurel van der Toorn

Anxiety vs. OCD: Why It Feels Different in Your Body and Brain

Where anxiety tends to be more diffuse, ongoing, and general, OCD shows up in sudden spikes followed by compulsive behaviors or mental rituals meant to bring relief.

Let’s unpack how each condition tends to show up in the body and brain, and how understanding these patterns can lead to more effective therapy and support.

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The Difference Between Feeling Calm, Numb, and Dissociated in EMDR Therapy
EMDR, Trauma, Anxiety Laurel van der Toorn EMDR, Trauma, Anxiety Laurel van der Toorn

The Difference Between Feeling Calm, Numb, and Dissociated in EMDR Therapy

Clients often tell their EMDR therapist, “I felt calm during that set,” only to realize later that they were actually numb or starting to dissociate. These states can feel similar in the moment, but they affect trauma therapy very differently. Understanding the distinction helps you communicate with your EMDR therapist, stay grounded in session, and get the most benefit from EMDR therapy.

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We offer individualized teletherapy for a wide range of mental health and relational issues. Our San Francisco & Los Angeles therapists can help with anxiety, trauma therapy, EMDR therapy, LGBT gay and lesbian therapy issues, holistic therapy, enneagram therapy, therapy for lawyers, couples therapy, therapy for burnout, and therapy for teenagers. We serve many people in San Francisco, Santa Cruz, and Los Angeles, as well as throughout California and Florida. Our team is anti-racist, body positive, LGBT and trans affirming and sex positive. You deserve to feel good!