ENNEAGRAM THERAPY IN CALIFORNIA
Work With A Certified Enneagram Therapist
Therapy that uses your type as a starting point, not a label.
The Enneagram is a roadmap like no other
to becoming the best version of yourself.
Certified, Not Just Interested
Laurel van der Toorn is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (California LMFT 116695). She has worked with the system for over twenty years, first as a student of it and later as a clinician using it in session and as a speaker on it.
That matters because the Enneagram is easy to get wrong. Used carelessly, it becomes a personality quiz that tells you what you already suspected. Used well, it shows you the motivation underneath a pattern you have been trying to change for years.
What is Enneagram therapy?
Enneagram therapy is talk therapy that uses the Enneagram to get to the root of a pattern faster.
The Enneagram sorts people into nine types. What sets it apart from most personality frameworks is that it does not describe behavior. It describes motivation: the core fear and the core desire that sit underneath the behavior. Two people can do the same thing for completely different reasons, and the reason is what therapy needs to reach.
In practice that means less time spent mapping the problem and more time spent on what is driving it. If you have been in therapy before and felt like you were explaining the same thing over and over, this is often why.
Enneagram Therapy Or Enneagram Coaching?
Both exist and they are not the same thing. Which one you want depends on what you are trying to do.
Enneagram coaching
Forward-looking and goal-focused
Often short-term
Available anywhere, because coaching is not a licensed profession
Not eligible for insurance reimbursement
Enneagram therapy, which is what we offer
Clinical work with a licensed therapist
Addresses anxiety, depression, trauma and relationship patterns alongside type work
Requires you to be physically located in California at the time of session
Often eligible for out-of-network reimbursement. You can check your coverage before booking.
If you want a framework for professional development, coaching may be the better fit and we are happy to say so. If what brought you here is a pattern that keeps costing you something, that is therapy.
Our Therapists Who Use The Enneagram
Laurel van der Toorn, LMFT
Certified Enneagram practitioner.
California, Colorado, Florida, Michigan and Washington. She also works in EMDR and trauma therapy.
Alexis Harney, LMFT
Uses the Enneagram alongside EMDR and attachment work. California and Florida.
Enneagram Types And How They Show Up In Therapy
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Type 1 - The Reformer
Orderly, reliable, able to see the ideal version of everything around them and steps toward making it happen. In therapy, Ones might work on feelings of anger, self-criticism, black-and-white thinking, and deep worry that they are bad or corrupt.
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Type 2 - The Helper
People-oriented nurturers who love to be helpful and needed. In therapy, Twos might work on not diminishing their own needs and desires, fears they are not lovable, not creating relationships based on dependence, and preventing feelings of resentment that happen when they have been caretaking for too long without receiving. This dynamic sometimes surfaces as over-closeness that a partner experiences as smothering, one of the more common patterns Twos work on in therapy.
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Type 3 - The Achiever
Highly driven by success and achievement in their goals, they can be charming and adaptable. In therapy, Threes might work on separating their achievements from their self-worth, developing a more authentic relationship to their own emotions and to others, allowing themselves to rest, and building intimacy.
If this profile resonates, here are six signs you might be a high-achiever running on empty.
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Type 4 - The Individualist
Self-aware, sensitive, and creative individuals who have a deeply individualistic approach to life and value being unique. In therapy, Fours might work on depression, feeling like an outcast, regulating emotions, unlearning beliefs that they are “too much”, and navigating a world that may operate with less sensitivity and attention to individualism than they do, without compromising their values and identity.
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Type 5 - The Investigator
Inquisitive minds that are always questioning things and searching for answers. In therapy, Fives might work on integrating with others more, opening up to others in a way that feels safe, connecting to their emotional selves, engaging with the world beyond their area of expertise, and confronting their fear of scarcity.
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Type 6 - The Loyalist
Highly loyal people who value community and commitment in relationships with family or friends above everything else. In therapy, Sixes might work on deep and pervasive anxiety, concerns about society and the planet at large, issues with relationships, family, and work, and conflicting feelings about people in positions of authority.
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Type 7 - The Enthusiast
Adventurous people with an overflowing enthusiasm for life’s joys and experiences big and small. In therapy, Sevens might work on identifying and tolerating uncomfortable emotions, combating feeling trapped by commitments and routine (hello, FOMO), and engaging in healthy coping rather than escapism and avoidance.
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Type 8 - The Challenger
Bold personalities who like to protect others, take risks and confront challenges and injustice head-on. In therapy, Eights might work on their fears of being controlled or manipulated, softening their approach to others that may not tolerate conflict or challenge as well as they do, bringing out their natural caregiving and protecting qualities, and tolerating the discomfort of being vulnerable in safe situations.
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Type 9 - The Peacemaker
Harmonious individuals who focus on promoting peace and harmony at all times. In therapy, Nines might focus on depression, identifying and honoring their own needs over others’, developing a solid sense of self, saying no without guilt, and being more assertive and confident.
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Non-Pathologizing Therapy
The enneagram can be powerful in therapeutic settings as it allows both client and therapist to understand something deeper than what lies on the surface. The enneagram delves into your core values, beliefs, and fears, which helps therapists develop a more effective treatment plan tailored specifically around you as an individual rather than trying a one-size-fits-all approach based on a DSM diagnosis. The enneagram is also trauma-informed, as our core fears and desires are shaped by our formative and traumatic experiences. Your therapist can address your enneagram growth points alongside your trauma for maximum impact and healing.
How We Find Your Type
Free online tests get it wrong often. They ask what you do, and most people answer with what they wish they did, or what they do at work, or what they did before things got hard. Type is about motivation, and motivation is difficult to self-report.
So we do it in conversation instead.
In the first few sessions your therapist will ask about what you move toward, what you avoid, and what you do when you are under real pressure. Stress reveals type more reliably than a calm afternoon with a questionnaire. From there we narrow it together.
If you already know your type, bring it. We will work with it and check it as we go. Mistypes are common and usually informative in themselves.
If you have no idea, that is fine. Most people do not arrive knowing.
Non-Pathologizing Therapy
A diagnosis tells you what you have. It does not tell you why you keep doing the thing you have decided a hundred times to stop doing.
The Enneagram works from the other direction. It starts with your core fears and desires, which is also where trauma lives, so the two fit together well. Your therapist can work on the pattern and what caused it at the same time rather than treating them separately. If trauma is part of the picture, EMDR often runs alongside this work.
It also means the work does not start with what is wrong with you. Every type has a healthy expression and an unhealthy one. Most people arrive somewhere in between, and the goal is not to become a different type. It is to be your own type on a better day, more often.
A Message From Our Director On The Power of the Enneagram
I was introduced to the Enneagram in high school, as part of a community event series hosted by an Enneagram master. I went to as many talks as I could, riveted by the interconnection and harmony of the system. I drew on the Enneagram heavily as I went through my own teen and young adult identity development and learned how to navigate peer, romantic, and workplace relationships.
The Enneagram is never meant to be used to reduce someone to cluster of symptoms or desires or fears. Yet it remains a highly useful general map for understanding people who are very different from ourselves. It has brought me great satisfaction in my personal and professional life. It brings me great joy to offer therapy that is informed by this system.
May it bring you as much insight, self-compassion, and relationship satisfaction as it has me.
- Laurel
Enneagram therapy for people in California, with additional availability in Colorado, Florida, Michigan and Washington.
Identify Your Type, Explore Your Traits, Develop New Strategies
These three sections stay, with light trimming. Two changes worth flagging.
In Identify Your Type, we are cutting the Windows and Mac comparison and the primary residence comparison. Two images for the same idea, and the operating system one has aged.
There are two small typos in Develop New Strategies that need fixing regardless.
The links to the nine types post and the high-achiever post stay where they are.
FAQs: Enneagram Therapy
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No, and here is our thinking on that. Enneagram certification programs are designed largely for coaches and consultants rather than clinicians. Laurel is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who has worked with the Enneagram for over twenty years and who speaks on it professionally. For therapy, the clinical license is the credential that governs what we are qualified to treat. If you are looking specifically for a certified Enneagram practitioner rather than a therapist, we are happy to point you toward the International Enneagram Association directory.
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No. Most people do not. We work it out together in the first few sessions.
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No one likes to feel pathologized or labeled, especially in therapy. You’re more than a cluster of symptoms. We have found that by using the Enneagram, we can take a holistic view of who you are and what makes you tick. We can also look at how your early experiences shaped your motivations. Then, by finding ways to get your unmet needs fulfilled, we can help you unlearn patterns that no longer serve you.
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Yes, working with an enneagram therapist focuses on the motivations for these patterns rather than simply extinguishing them. When we understand Why something is happening, it’s much easier to address and change.
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There are many techniques that go well with the Enneagram. Your Enneagram therapist will create a customized approach for you. Some connect techniques and approaches we use are narrative therapy, holistic and psychodynamic therapy, Gottman Method Couples therapy, EMDR therapy, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
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Yes! We have found that couples therapy using the Enneagram framework works fabulously. By combining Gottman Method Couples Therapy with the enneagram, we can make perpetual arguments and frustrating patterns less personal and give you tools to end negative patterns . When things are less personal, we have a greater chance of making permanent change.
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The Enneagram is fundamentally about identifying your core motivations and fears. Often, it is these very motivations and fears that cause anxiety, depression, and relationship conflicts. By focusing on your motivations and using the Enneagram framework for growth, we can help overcome these challenges.
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All types can experience mental health issues. Remember that your type has many possible expressions and many possible levels of health. But some types, particularly withdrawn types like 4, 5, and 9, can be more prone to depression when they are out of balance. More conflicted types, such as 1, 2, and 6, might be more prone to anxiety when out of balance.
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That’s the core goal of Enneagram therapy. Our limiting beliefs and our fears are what drive each type to manifest its unhealthiest traits. But identifying your type and the resulting negative core belief, you can liberate yourself from it.
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The enneagram system is complex, dynamic, and interconnected. There are endless possibilities for growth and expression. It provides a solid roadmap toward the healthiest version of yourself. For example, a self-involved and competitive Type 3 can engage in healthy Type 6 behaviors to grow: connecting with community, creating a sense of shared security, and promoting the good of the group can balance out the self-serving 3 behaviors.
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We are out of network, which means we do not bill insurance directly. Many clients are reimbursed for a portion of the fee through out-of-network benefits. You can check your coverage before booking.
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You need to be physically located in a state where your therapist is licensed at the time of your session. Laurel is licensed in California, Colorado, Florida, Michigan and Washington. Alexis is licensed in California and Florida.
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No. Most people do not. We work it out together in the first few sessions, and knowing it is not a requirement for beginning.
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We are out of network, which means we do not bill insurance directly. Many clients are reimbursed for a portion of the fee through out-of-network benefits. You can check your coverage before booking.
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You need to be physically located in a state where your therapist is licensed at the time of your session. Laurel is licensed in California, Colorado, Florida, Michigan and Washington. Alexis is licensed in California and Florida. If you travel, tell us and we will work out what is possible.
Heal Your Relationship Through Enneagram Couples Therapy
Do you want to decrease conflict, improve communication, and feel closer than ever to your partner? The Enneagram is a fantastic tool for this. We love the framework the Enneagram offers so much because it helps us deepen our understanding and take problems less personally.
Our specially trained Gottman therapists can use the Enneagram along with other couples therapy techniques to help you break down complex patterns and problems. We can de-personalize and teach you new tools to handle disagreements and tension. Reconnect, recommit, and re-awaken the spark you felt when you met through couples counseling using the Enneagram.
We work with all couples, but have a special place in our hearts for LGBT couples.
Case Example: Elsa and Tyler's Growth with Enneagram Therapy For Couples
Elsa and Tyler have been married for seven years and have faced increasing tension and conflict in their relationship over the past two years. Elsa, an artist, often feels misunderstood and unappreciated. Tyler, a teacher with a strong sense of duty and perfectionism, feels overwhelmed by Elsa's emotional intensity and perceived unpredictability.
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Elsa (Enneagram 4) frequently expresses feelings of inadequacy and longing for deeper emotional connection. She often perceives Tyler as critical and emotionally distant.
Tyler (Enneagram 1) struggles with Elsa's emotional unpredictability and feels that her expressions are a sign of instability, which he feels compelled to fix.
Their core conflicts often revolve around Elsa feeling criticized and unloved, while Tyler feels attacked and unappreciated for his efforts to maintain order and stability.
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During their Enneagram couples therapy sessions, Elsa and Tyler begin to understand their core Enneagram types and how these influence their behaviors and interactions.
Elsa (Enneagram 4): Known as the Individualist, Elsa's core desire is to find herself and her significance. She craves authenticity and deep emotional connections but often struggles with feelings of envy and inadequacy. Elsa learns that her intense emotions and desire for uniqueness stem from a core belief that she is flawed and must seek validation through deep, often dramatic, expressions of her inner world.
Tyler (Enneagram 1): Known as the Reformer, Tyler's core desire is to live a life of integrity and purpose. He strives for perfection and feels a strong sense of responsibility to improve himself and his environment. Tyler discovers that his critical nature and insistence on doing things the "right" way are driven by a core belief that he must be perfect to be worthy of love and acceptance.
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With the help of their Enneagram therapist, Elsa and Tyler start to view their conflicts through the lens of the Enneagram. They begin to see each other's behaviors not as personal attacks but as expressions of their core fears and desires. This deeper understanding of each other brings more empathy and compassion to their conflict.
Understanding Core Motivations:
Elsa's Perspective: Elsa learns that Tyler's criticism is not a sign of his lack of love, but rather his way of striving for improvement and excellence. She realizes that his need for order stems from a desire to feel secure and in control, not from a wish to undermine her feelings.
Tyler's Perspective: Tyler understands that Elsa's emotional intensity and need for deep connection are not attempts to create chaos, but rather her way of seeking authenticity and reassurance. He learns to appreciate her depth and creativity as expressions of her true self, not as instability.
Developing Compassion:
For Elsa: She starts to appreciate Tyler's dedication and commitment to their relationship. She learns to communicate her needs more clearly without dramatizing them, helping Tyler understand her longing for emotional connection without feeling overwhelmed.
For Tyler: He begins to practice patience and empathy, recognizing Elsa's need for validation and acceptance. He works on expressing his love and appreciation in ways that resonate with her emotional needs.
Improving Communication:
They both practice active listening and validate each other's feelings. Elsa uses "I" statements to express her emotions without blaming Tyler, and Tyler learns to make space for her feelings without “fixing” things, and to offer feedback without criticism.
Creating Balance:
They establish routines that honor both Elsa's need for spontaneity and Tyler's need for structure. This balance allows them to enjoy shared activities without feeling constrained or overwhelmed.
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Over time, Elsa and Tyler begin to see significant improvements in their relationship. By understanding and respecting each other's Enneagram types through Enneagram therapy, they have better “love maps” that reduce the frequency and intensity of their conflicts. They develop a deeper appreciation for each other's strengths and learn to support each other in areas of vulnerability.
Elsa feels more understood and valued, leading to fewer emotional outbursts and a greater sense of security. Tyler feels less burdened by the need to fix things and more able to enjoy the emotional richness Elsa brings to their relationship. Together, they cultivate a more fulfilling marriage, viewing their differences as complementary rather than conflicting.
At Laurel Therapy Collective we offer online therapy across California and Florida. Alongside Enneagram therapy, our therapists work in EMDR and trauma therapy, couples therapy, LGBTQ therapy, anxiety, and EMDR intensives. We are anti-racist, body-positive, and sex positive, and we would be glad to talk with you.