Enneagram Therapy
Licensed therapy that uses your type as a starting point instead of a label.
Online in California and Florida.
The Enneagram is a roadmap like no other to becoming the best version of yourself.
The Pattern You Keep Trying To Change
If you have been in therapy before and felt like you were explaining the same thing over and over, there is often a reason: the work stayed on what you do and never reached why you do it. Enneagram therapy starts with the why, so less time goes to mapping the problem and more goes to what is driving it.
What Is Enneagram Therapy?
Enneagram therapy is talk therapy that uses the Enneagram to get to the root of a pattern faster.
The Enneagram sorts people into nine types. What sets it apart from most personality frameworks is that it describes motivation instead of behavior: the core fear and the core desire that sit underneath what you do. Two people can do the same thing for completely different reasons, and the reason is what therapy needs to reach.
Over Twenty Years With The Enneagram
Practice founder Laurel van der Toorn is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (California LMFT 116695). She came to the Enneagram first as a student of it, then as a clinician using it in session and as a speaker on it.
The Enneagram is easy to get wrong. Used carelessly, it becomes a personality quiz that tells you what you already suspected. Used well, it shows you the motivation underneath a pattern you have been trying to change for years.
What To Expect
Sessions are 50 minutes by secure video. Fees are $175 to $275 per session, depending on the therapist. Your first step is a free 20-minute consultation with one of our therapists.
Enneagram Therapy Or Enneagram Coaching?
Both exist, and they are different things. Which one you want depends on what you are trying to do.
Enneagram coaching
Forward-looking and goal-focused
Often short-term
Available anywhere, because coaching is not a licensed profession
Not eligible for insurance reimbursement
Enneagram therapy, which is what we offer
Clinical work with a licensed therapist
Addresses anxiety, depression, trauma and relationship patterns alongside type work
Requires you to physically be in a state where your therapist is licensed
Often eligible for out-of-network reimbursement. You can check your coverage before booking.
If you want a framework for professional development, coaching may be the better fit, and we are happy to say so. If what brought you here is a pattern that keeps costing you something, that is therapy.
How We Find Your Type
Online tests can only go by what you tell them. They ask what you do, and most people answer with what they wish they did, or what they do at work, or what they did before things got hard. Type is about motivation, and motivation is difficult to self-report.
So we do it in conversation instead.
In the first few sessions your therapist will ask about what you move toward, what you avoid, and what you do when you are under real pressure. Stress reveals type more reliably than a calm afternoon with a questionnaire. From there we narrow it together.
If you already know your type, bring it. We will work with it and check it as we go. Mistypes are common and usually informative in themselves.
If you have no idea, that is fine. Most people do not arrive knowing.
Non-Pathologizing Therapy
A diagnosis tells you what’s “wrong” with you. It does not tell you why you keep doing the thing you have decided a hundred times to stop doing.
The Enneagram works from the other direction and goes below the surface. It starts with your core values, beliefs, fears, and desires, which your formative and traumatic experiences helped shape, so the Enneagram is trauma-informed and fits well with trauma work. That can help your therapist build a more effective treatment plan around you instead of a one-size-fits-all approach based on a DSM diagnosis. Your therapist can work on the pattern and what caused it at the same time, and if trauma is part of the picture, EMDR often runs alongside this work.
It also means the work does not start with what is wrong with you. Every type has a healthy expression and an unhealthy one. Most people arrive somewhere in between. You stay your own type; the goal is to be that type on a better day, more often.
Enneagram Types And How They Show Up In Therapy
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Type 1: The Reformer
Orderly and reliable; Ones can see the ideal version of everything around them and take steps toward making it happen. In therapy, Ones might work on anger, self-criticism, black-and-white thinking, and a deep worry that they are bad or corrupt.
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Type 2: The Helper
People-oriented nurturers who love to be helpful and needed. In therapy, Twos might work on honoring their own needs and desires, fears that they are not lovable, avoiding relationships built on dependence, and the resentment that builds when they have been caretaking for too long without receiving. This sometimes surfaces as over-closeness that a partner experiences as smothering, one of the more common patterns Twos work on in therapy.
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Type 3: The Achiever
Driven by success and achievement, Threes can be charming and adaptable. In therapy, Threes might work on separating their achievements from their self-worth, developing a more authentic relationship to their own emotions and to others, allowing themselves to rest, and building intimacy.
If this sounds like you, here are six signs you might be running in survival mode.
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Type 4: The Individualist
Self-aware, sensitive, and creative people who value being one of a kind. In therapy, Fours might work on depression, feeling like an outcast, regulating emotions, unlearning beliefs that they are "too much", and getting through a world that may operate with less sensitivity than they do without compromising their values and identity.
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Type 5: The Investigator
Inquisitive minds, always questioning things and searching for answers. In therapy, Fives might work on integrating with others more, opening up to others in a way that feels safe, connecting to their emotional selves, engaging with the world beyond their area of expertise, and confronting their fear of scarcity.
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Type 6: The Loyalist
Loyal people who value community and commitment with family and friends above everything else. In therapy, Sixes might work on deep and pervasive anxiety, concerns about society and the planet at large, struggles with relationships, family, and work, and conflicting feelings about people in positions of authority.
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Type 7: The Enthusiast
Adventurous people with an overflowing enthusiasm for life's joys, big and small. In therapy, Sevens might work on identifying and tolerating uncomfortable emotions, feeling trapped by commitments and routine (hello, FOMO), and coping in healthy ways instead of escaping and avoiding.
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Type 8: The Challenger
Bold personalities who like to protect others, take risks, and confront challenges and injustice head-on. In therapy, Eights might work on their fears of being controlled or manipulated, softening their approach with people who may not tolerate conflict or challenge as well as they do, bringing out their natural caregiving and protective qualities, and tolerating the discomfort of being vulnerable in safe situations.
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Type 9: The Peacemaker
Harmonious people who focus on keeping the peace at all times. In therapy, Nines might work on depression, identifying and honoring their own needs over others', developing a solid sense of self, saying no without guilt, and being more assertive and confident.
Our Therapists Who Use The Enneagram
Laurel van der Toorn, LMFT
Has worked with the Enneagram for over twenty years. Licensed in California, Colorado, Florida, Michigan, Texas, and Washington. She also works in EMDR and trauma therapy.
Alexis Harney, LMFT
Uses the Enneagram alongside EMDR and attachment work. Licensed in California and Florida.
A Message From Our Director On The Power Of The Enneagram
I was introduced to the Enneagram in high school, as part of a community event series hosted by an Enneagram master. I went to as many talks as I could, riveted by the interconnection and harmony of the system. I drew on the Enneagram heavily as I went through my own teen and young adult identity development and learned how to handle peer, romantic, and workplace relationships.
The Enneagram is never meant to be used to reduce someone to a cluster of symptoms or desires or fears. Yet it remains a highly useful general map for understanding people who are very different from ourselves. It has brought me great satisfaction in my personal and professional life, and it brings me great joy to offer therapy that is informed by this system.
May it bring you as much insight, self-compassion, and relationship satisfaction as it has me.
Laurel
Enneagram therapy for people in California and Florida.
Identify Your Type, Explore Your Traits, Develop New Strategies
Once we know your primary type, we can begin exploring your motivations and unconscious behavior patterns in more depth. These sessions involve discussing your thoughts, feelings, behavior patterns, reactions to others, to stressors and triggers from past experiences, as well as hopes and dreams for the future. The goal is to heal trauma, build compassion for yourself and others, and live up to your fullest potential, no matter what type you are.
There are no bad types, only unhealthy expressions of each type that present with specific problems. Enneagram therapy sessions allow us to identify any unhelpful or negative patterns that you may have developed over time as well as how they impact your daily life. This may include difficulties with relationships or dealing with difficult situations at work. Understanding these behaviors - and most importantly, their motivations - can help you develop new coping strategies that replace old patterns with healthier alternatives when faced with challenging situations.
Enneagram Couples Therapy
The Enneagram can help couples decrease conflict, improve communication, and feel closer. We love the framework because it helps us understand you better and helps you take problems less personally.
Our specially trained Gottman therapists can use the Enneagram along with other couples therapy techniques to help you break down complex patterns. We can help you take disagreements less personally and teach you new tools to handle them and the tension around them, so the two of you can reconnect.
We work with all couples, and have a special place in our hearts for LGBT couples.
Case Example: Elsa And Tyler's Growth With Enneagram Therapy For Couples
Elsa and Tyler have been married for seven years and have faced increasing tension and conflict over the past two years. Elsa, an artist, often feels misunderstood and unappreciated. Tyler, a teacher with a strong sense of duty and perfectionism, feels overwhelmed by Elsa's emotional intensity and what he sees as unpredictability.
Elsa and Tyler are a composite example. They are not real clients.
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Elsa (Enneagram 4) often expresses feelings of inadequacy and longs for deeper emotional connection. She sees Tyler as critical and emotionally distant. Tyler (Enneagram 1) struggles with Elsa's emotional unpredictability and reads her expressions as a sign of instability, which he feels compelled to fix. Their conflicts often come back to the same place: Elsa feels criticized and unloved, and Tyler feels attacked and unappreciated for his efforts to keep things orderly and stable.
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In their sessions, Elsa and Tyler begin to understand their Enneagram types and how those types shape the way they behave with each other.
Elsa (Enneagram 4): Known as the Individualist, Elsa's core desire is to find herself and her significance. She craves authenticity and deep emotional connection but often struggles with envy and inadequacy. Elsa learns that her intense emotions and longing to be one of a kind come from a core belief that she is flawed and must earn validation through deep, often dramatic, expressions of her inner world.
Tyler (Enneagram 1): Known as the Reformer, Tyler's core desire is to live a life of integrity and purpose. He strives for perfection and feels responsible for improving himself and his environment. Tyler discovers that his critical streak and insistence on doing things the "right" way come from a core belief that he must be perfect to be worthy of love and acceptance.
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With their therapist's help, Elsa and Tyler start to see each other's behavior as an expression of core fears and desires, and they take it less as a personal attack. That understanding brings more empathy and compassion to their conflicts.
Understanding core motivations: Elsa learns that Tyler's criticism is his way of striving for improvement and excellence, and no sign that he loves her less. His need for order comes from wanting to feel secure and in control; he isn't trying to undermine her feelings. Tyler learns that Elsa's emotional intensity and need for deep connection are her way of seeking authenticity and reassurance; she isn't trying to create chaos. He starts to see her depth and creativity as expressions of who she is, and stops reading them as instability.
Developing compassion: Elsa starts to appreciate Tyler's dedication and commitment to their relationship and learns to state her needs clearly without dramatizing them, so Tyler can hear her longing for connection without feeling overwhelmed. Tyler practices patience and empathy, recognizes Elsa's need for validation and acceptance, and works on expressing his love in ways that meet her emotional needs.
Improving communication: They both practice active listening and validate each other's feelings. Elsa uses "I" statements to express her emotions without blaming Tyler. Tyler learns to make space for her feelings without "fixing" things, and to offer feedback without criticism.
Creating balance: They build routines that honor both Elsa's need for spontaneity and Tyler's need for structure, so they can enjoy shared time without feeling constrained or overwhelmed.
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Over time, Elsa and Tyler see significant improvements in their relationship. Understanding each other's types gives them better "love maps," which reduce how often they fight and how intense the fights get. They appreciate each other's strengths more and learn to support each other where they are vulnerable.
Elsa feels more understood and valued, has fewer emotional outbursts, and feels more secure. Tyler feels less burdened by the need to fix things and enjoys the emotional richness Elsa brings to their marriage. Together, they build a more fulfilling marriage and come to see their differences as complementary.
FAQs: Enneagram Therapy
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No, and here is our thinking on that. Enneagram certification programs are designed largely for coaches and consultants rather than clinicians. Laurel is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who has worked with the Enneagram for over twenty years and who speaks on it professionally. For therapy, the clinical license is the credential that governs what we are qualified to treat. If you are looking specifically for a certified Enneagram practitioner rather than a therapist, we are happy to point you toward the International Enneagram Association directory.
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No. Most people do not. We work it out together in the first few sessions.
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No one likes to feel pathologized or labeled, especially in therapy. You're more than a cluster of symptoms. The Enneagram lets us look at the whole of who you are and what makes you tick, including how your early experiences shaped your motivations. Then, by finding ways to get your unmet needs met, we can help you unlearn patterns that have stopped working for you.
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Yes. Enneagram therapy focuses on the motivations behind a pattern instead of only trying to stop it. When we understand why something is happening, it's much easier to change.
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Many techniques go well with the Enneagram, and your therapist will build an approach around you. Some we use are narrative therapy, holistic and psychodynamic therapy, Gottman Method Couples Therapy, EMDR therapy, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
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Yes! We have found that couples therapy with the Enneagram works well. By combining Gottman Method Couples Therapy with the Enneagram, we can make perpetual arguments and frustrating patterns less personal and give you tools to end them. When things are less personal, lasting change is more likely.
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The Enneagram is about identifying your core motivations and fears, and those are often what drive anxiety, depression, and relationship conflict. By focusing on your motivations and using the Enneagram as a framework for growth, we can help you work through these challenges.
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All types can experience mental health issues, and every type has many possible expressions and levels of health. In our experience, when withdrawn types like 4, 5, and 9 are out of balance, depression often shows up. For conflicted types like 1, 2, and 6, it is more often anxiety.
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That's the core goal of Enneagram therapy. Our limiting beliefs and fears are what push each type toward its unhealthiest traits. By identifying your type and the negative core belief that comes with it, you can free yourself from that belief.
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The Enneagram is complex and interconnected, with many paths for growth. It gives you a map toward the healthiest version of yourself. For example, a self-involved and competitive Type 3 can grow by taking on healthy Type 6 behaviors: connecting with community, creating a sense of shared security, and promoting the good of the group can balance out self-serving Type 3 habits.
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We are out of network, which means we do not bill insurance directly. Many clients are reimbursed for a portion of the fee through out-of-network benefits. You can check your coverage before booking.
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You need to be physically located in a state where your therapist is licensed at the time of your session. Laurel is licensed in California, Colorado, Florida, Michigan, Texas, and Washington. Alexis is licensed in California and Florida. If you travel, tell us and we will work out what is possible.
At Laurel Therapy Collective, Enneagram therapy is available online in California and Florida. Alongside Enneagram therapy, our therapists work in EMDR and trauma therapy, couples therapy, LGBTQ therapy, anxiety, and EMDR intensives. We are anti-racist, body-positive, and sex positive, and we would be glad to talk with you.