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Help! My Sibling Is Emotionally Overwhelming: How to Set Boundaries Without Cutting Them Off
Communication, Boundaries, Friendship, Codependence Laurel van der Toorn Communication, Boundaries, Friendship, Codependence Laurel van der Toorn

Help! My Sibling Is Emotionally Overwhelming: How to Set Boundaries Without Cutting Them Off

Sibling relationships are lifelong in a way that can make them uniquely complicated. Maybe your sibling leans on you constantly for emotional support, calls or texts multiple times a day, or shares their distress in ways that leave you feeling drained, anxious, or even resentful. You love them, but you find yourself thinking: I can’t be their therapist… I’m exhausted.

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Holiday Burnout: Tips for Prevention and Response from a Burnout Recovery Therapist
Boundaries, Communication, Holidays Laurel van der Toorn Boundaries, Communication, Holidays Laurel van der Toorn

Holiday Burnout: Tips for Prevention and Response from a Burnout Recovery Therapist

For many people, the holidays aren't the most wonderful time of the year, they're the most exhausting. Between family obligations, packed calendars, travel, and end-of-year work pressure, it’s no surprise that so many people hit a breaking point by December. If you're already feeling stretched thin, or want to avoid getting there, this guide is for you.

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What No One Tells You About Being a Family Cycle Breaker
Communication, Boundaries Laurel van der Toorn Communication, Boundaries Laurel van der Toorn

What No One Tells You About Being a Family Cycle Breaker

If you're the one in your family who’s decided this stops with me, congrats! Choosing to break painful intergenerational patterns like emotional neglect, codependency, abuse, enmeshment, or chronic avoidance is a brave and life-changing decision. But what no one often tells you is that it’s not just hard, it’s complicated, lonely, and sometimes even painful. As therapists who work with adult children of dysfunctional families, here’s what we want you to know.

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Want to Feel Close Again? Try This To Strengthen Your Relationship
Couples and Relationships, Attachment, Communication Laurel van der Toorn Couples and Relationships, Attachment, Communication Laurel van der Toorn

Want to Feel Close Again? Try This To Strengthen Your Relationship

When couples say they feel disconnected, they often think the answer is more date nights or intense conversations. While those things are helpful, one often-overlooked way to rebuild emotional intimacy is much simpler: do something together that matters to both of you.

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The Myth of Being “Completed” By Our Partners Is Making Us Unhappier In Relationships
Communication, Couples and Relationships, Attachment Laurel van der Toorn Communication, Couples and Relationships, Attachment Laurel van der Toorn

The Myth of Being “Completed” By Our Partners Is Making Us Unhappier In Relationships

We've all seen the romantic movies where the hero/ine finds their perfect partner, and suddenly, their life is "complete." This idea that a partner can "complete" us sounds appealing. But in real life, it leads to unhealthy relationship dynamics, unmet expectations, and codependency

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How to Build And Update Your Love Maps: 10 Questions to Strengthen Your Relationship
Couples and Relationships, Attachment, Communication Laurel van der Toorn Couples and Relationships, Attachment, Communication Laurel van der Toorn

How to Build And Update Your Love Maps: 10 Questions to Strengthen Your Relationship

A Love Map is your mental and emotional blueprint of your partner’s inner world. It includes everything from their favorite foods to their biggest life goals, current stressors, fears, and childhood memories. The stronger your Love Maps, the better equipped you are to handle conflict, support each other through life’s ups and downs, and stay connected for the long haul.

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Does My Fiancé Asking for a Prenup Mean They're Planning to Divorce Me?

Does My Fiancé Asking for a Prenup Mean They're Planning to Divorce Me?

If your fiancé just brought up getting a prenup and your stomach dropped a little, you’re not alone. It's easy to associate prenups with worst-case scenarios or imagine it as someone saying, “I don’t trust this to last.” But in reality, a prenup isn’t about preparing to leave—it’s about planning to stay. And more importantly, it’s about protecting both of you.

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What To Do If Your Partner Acts Differently Toward You Around Family or Work Colleagues
Communication, Couples and Relationships, Boundaries Laurel van der Toorn Communication, Couples and Relationships, Boundaries Laurel van der Toorn

What To Do If Your Partner Acts Differently Toward You Around Family or Work Colleagues

Noticing your partner behaving differently around family or colleagues can feel confusing or even hurtful. They might seem more distant, overly agreeable, or act in a way that feels out of character compared to how they are in private. While this shift can be unsettling, it doesn’t always mean something is wrong in your relationship. Understanding the underlying reasons and addressing them with care is key.

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When and How to Take a Break During a Heated Discussion
Communication, Couples and Relationships Laurel van der Toorn Communication, Couples and Relationships Laurel van der Toorn

When and How to Take a Break During a Heated Discussion

We’ve all been in a heated discussion that spirals out of control, leaving both parties feeling frustrated and misunderstood. Knowing when to take a break can be the key to maintaining healthy communication. Sometimes, taking a break allows for a more productive conversation later. But how do we know when to take a break? And how do we regulate ourselves so we can come back with a cool, clear head?

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How to Pace Yourself in Dating: Building Healthy Connections with Attachment Style Awareness
Attachment, Dating, Communication, Codependence Laurel van der Toorn Attachment, Dating, Communication, Codependence Laurel van der Toorn

How to Pace Yourself in Dating: Building Healthy Connections with Attachment Style Awareness

So you both swiped right and you've got those furious butterflies in your stomach. You can't believe you finally met someone you really click with! But how do you proceed without getting way ahead of yourself and getting hurt? How can you prevent codependence? How do you lean into the excitement without scaring them off?

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We offer individualized teletherapy for a wide range of mental health and relational issues. Our San Francisco & Los Angeles therapists can help with anxiety, trauma therapy, EMDR therapy, LGBT gay and lesbian therapy issues, holistic therapy, enneagram therapy, therapy for lawyers, couples therapy, therapy for burnout, and therapy for teenagers. We serve many people in San Francisco, Santa Cruz, and Los Angeles, as well as throughout California and Florida. Our team is anti-racist, body positive, LGBT and trans affirming and sex positive. You deserve to feel good!