8 Questions That Show Your Partner You’re Truly Listening
Long-term relationships are built on love—but sustained by communication. Whether you’ve been together for a few months or a few decades, it’s easy to slip into patterns where the deeper conversations fade and surface-level check-ins become the norm.
Especially during stressful seasons—work pressures, parenting, health challenges, or just the daily grind—couples can drift into logistics-mode and lose the emotional intimacy that once came so easily.
The good news? You don’t need hours of conversation every day to feel close again. Sometimes, the right questions can re-open doors to vulnerability, laughter, and connection.
Here are 8 loving questions to keep the conversation going and deepen your connection to your partner when they’re stressed, hurt, upset, or grieving. When added to an in-progress conversation, they can strengthen emotional intimacy and keep your communication open—no matter what life throws at you.
1. “Tell me more about that.”
This gentle prompt invites your partner to go deeper—without pushing them. It communicates: I care about what you’re saying, and I want to understand you better.
Try this when your partner shares something emotional or even just offhand. It signals curiosity and openness instead of control.
2. “What’s the hardest part of this for you?”
When your partner is stressed, hurt, or overwhelmed, it’s easy to jump in with advice. But asking this question helps you tune into their emotional experience—which is often what they need most.
This is about validation, not problem-solving. It helps your partner feel seen.
3. “Wow, I don’t know much about this. How can I learn more?”
Whether your partner is navigating a new identity, interest, or life experience, this question builds trust. It acknowledges your own learning curve and communicates a desire to understand their world—on their terms. It also doesn't put the onus of educating you on them.
This is especially powerful for LGBTQ+ couples or neurodiverse partnerships where mutual learning is ongoing.
4. “Who in your life really gets it and makes you feel most seen?”
This opens space for your partner to reflect on who supports them—and what they might still need from you. It also opens the door for honest conversations about emotional needs without defensiveness.
Ask with curiosity, not comparison. If their immediate answer isn’t “you,” that’s okay! You can’t be their primary support for every single thing. Use these questions to build a more solid foundation for them to feel understood.
5. “What’s the scariest part of this for you?”
Fear is often at the root of conflict, shutdowns, or frustration in relationships. This question allows your partner to name what's beneath the surface—and builds emotional safety when they do.
Use a soft tone. This one takes vulnerability and trust.
6. “What’s the most important thing for me to understand about this?”
This is a powerful question for moments of tension or disconnect. Rather than making assumptions, you're asking your partner to share what really matters in the situation.
This phrase is especially helpful during arguments where you both feel misunderstood.
7. “If you could wave a magic wand and change one thing about your experience right now, what would it be?”
This question invites creativity, clarity, and insight. It helps your partner express what’s not working without blame or criticism, and gives you a chance to respond with empathy and care.
Bonus: it often sparks problem-solving in a collaborative, connected way, without making suggestions your partner may find unhelpful.
8. “What do you need most from me?”
This question invites your partner to lean on you, but also to be specific. It shows openness, empathy, and desire for collaboration in addressing a problem or emotion.
Try putting an arm around your partner or smiling softly to communicate with your whole body.
Building Strong Communication Takes Practice
Great communication isn’t about always saying the right thing—it’s about staying open to learning more about each other, even after years together. These questions are just a starting point for emotional connection, but they can help you shift from stuck or surface-level interactions to something deeper and more fulfilling.
If you find yourselves having the same arguments, avoiding hard conversations, or feeling like you're speaking different languages, couples therapy can help.
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We offer compassionate, evidence-based support for couples using the Gottman Method Couples Therapy, a proven approach to building healthy communication, trust, and emotional intimacy.
Whether you’re feeling disconnected, navigating life transitions, or simply want to grow together with more intention, we’re here to help. Book a free consultation today.
