a two bride couple embraces on a rooftop overlooking los angeles representing the emotional difficulties of lgbt wedding planning

Planning a wedding is can be exciting. But for LGBT couples, the process often comes with challenges that straight couples may not have to consider. While marriage equality has come a long way, approaching traditions, family dynamics, and vendor inclusivity can add extra headache. Here are our LGBT therapist-approved tips for couples to plan a wedding that truly reflects your love while minimizing stress.

1. Create Structure And Containment

It sounds vague and unsexy, but structure and containment are going to help you maintain your sanity through this process. Here are some ideas to create structure and containment:

How to Handle It:

Schedule a weekly couples wedding planning meeting to discuss wedding stuff. This prevents it from being peppered throughout the week, triggering stress. It allows both of you time to emotionally and logistically plan for decision-making together.
Talk intelligently about money. We know it's uncomfortable and one of the most triggering topics. But you have to address it before any other decisions are made.
Decide what tools you're going to use. Is it an Excel or Google sheet? A fancy planning tool? Find one that works for both of you that you can both refer to when you have questions.
Decide if you're going to truly plan this wedding together or if one of you will take lead. It's totally fine for one person to take lead, but have a conversation about it.
As much as possible, try to separate the logistical from the emotional. It's impossible to do perfectly, but certain tasks are bound to be more emotional than others. Choosing a caterer? Probably less emotional than working on your guest list or picking your wedding party. Find a separate time to talk about more emotional topics so they don't bleed into the process. For example, if you know your partner isn't comfortable inviting your homophobic grandparent, have that be a separate conversation before working on the greater guest list.

2. Find Inclusive Vendors

One of the biggest concerns for LGBT couples is whether wedding vendors—venues, photographers, caterers, florists and officiants—will be welcoming and supportive. Some vendors may still decline to work with LGBT couples, or worse, provide service with subtle (or overt) discrimination.

How to Handle It:

Use LGBTQ+-friendly vendor directories. Most mainstream vendor directors offer filters so you can search by LGBT-owned or inclusive vendors.
Ask directly about vendors' experience working with same-sex couples to gauge their comfort and enthusiasm.
Trust your gut. If a vendor seems hesitant or uncomfortable, move on. Your wedding should be a joyful experience, not one where you have to convince someone of your legitimacy.

3. Navigate Family Reactions With Poise

Many couples face family challenges when planning a wedding. But LGBT couples often experience an added layer of stress. Whether it’s dealing with estranged family members, unsupportive relatives, or expectations with family members who are still adjusting.

How to Handle It:

Set clear boundaries early about who will be involved in the planning process.
If certain family members are unsupportive, focus on chosen family: friends and loved ones who fully embrace and celebrate your relationship.
Your wedding is about you and your partner. You don’t have to compromise your joy for someone else’s discomfort.
It's your wedding. Invite the people you want to be around you on your wedding day.

3. Break Gendered Traditions

Many wedding traditions, like who walks down the aisle, who proposes a toast, or who takes whose last name, are rooted in heteronormative roles. For LGBT couples, deciding which traditions to keep, adapt, or completely throw out can feel overwhelming.

How to Approach It:

Start with a vision of how you want to feel on your wedding day. Use that vision to guide all decisions. You may need to make compromises for your partner, but you shouldn't make too many compromises for others.
Create your own traditions. Want to walk down the aisle together? Do it. Want to forgo the bouquet toss? Skip it.
Write your own vows to reflect your relationship rather than adhering to traditional language.

4. Legal Considerations

While same-sex marriage is legally recognized in all states, there are still legal considerations to be aware of, especially for international couples or those in less supportive areas. Issues related to name changes, adoption rights, and prenuptial agreements may need additional attention.

How to Handle It:

Research state and federal marriage laws related to LGBT couples.
Consult an LGBTQ+-friendly attorney for legal guidance, particularly if you're planning to move to another country or need estate planning.

5. Manage Public Reactions

Even in progressive communities, public reactions to LGBT weddings can be unpredictable. Some couples worry about facing unwanted attention, negative comments, or judgment from strangers or acquaintances.

How to Handle It:

Vet your guest list carefully. If someone isn’t supportive of your love, they don’t need to be at your wedding.
Lean on your support system. Surround yourself with people who celebrate you.
Consider an elopement or micro wedding. If public scrutiny is a concern, an elopement or intimate wedding may feel more comfortable. But be aware, even a micro wedding is a lot of work to plan! Just fewer guests.

6. Find Mental Health and Emotional Support

Wedding planning is stressful for any couple, but LGBT couples often carry extra emotional weight. Family issues, societal expectations, and fears of discrimination are real. It’s essential to have emotional support throughout the process.

How to Handle It:

Consider couples therapy. Working with an LGBT couples therapist can help you and your partner manage stress, set boundaries, and stay connected throughout the planning process.
Talking to other couples who have navigated similar challenges can be incredibly validating.
Make self-care a priority. Wedding planning shouldn’t consume your life. Schedule downtime to relax and reconnect with your partner outside of the wedding details.

Our Couples Therapists

Daniella Mohazab, AMFT

Alexis Harney, LMFT

Planning Your Wedding While Protecting Your Relationship And Mental Health

Planning an LGBT wedding can come with unique stressors, but it should still be a beautiful and joyful experience. By choosing inclusive vendors, setting clear boundaries, and focusing on what matters most, you can create a celebration that honors your love in an authentic way.

If wedding stress is impacting your relationship, LGBT couples therapy can help. At our practice, we offer LGBT therapy to support couples through life transitions, including wedding planning.

Schedule a free consultation today to ensure that while you’re planning your big day, you’re also strengthening the foundation of your relationship for the long term. Serving Los Angeles, San Francisco, and online throughout California.