We Rushed Into Our Relationship; Now What?
You met someone and the connection was instant. The chemistry was off the charts. You were spending nights together before you'd even had a proper second date. Suddenly, you’re in deep... and now you’re wondering, Did we move too fast?
Rushing into relationships is common, especially when vulnerability, attraction, and longing for connection collide. Whether it’s your first big love or your fifth situationship, this pattern can happen to anyone.
And here’s the good news: it doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. But it does mean you’ll need to be thoughtful about how you course-correct. Let’s unpack what might be going on and what you can do now to build something more sustainable.
Why We Rush Into Relationships
Daniella Mohazab, AMFT
Daniella works with partners at all stages of their relationship in California. Daniella offers a steady and direct presence to guide you through conflict and toward connection. As a trained Gottman Method couples therapist, her work helps couples not just repair patterns but also deepen intimacy and resilience. She is LGBT affirming, kink-allied, and poly-affirming.
There are a lot of reasons people dive in quickly:
You’ve been lonely for a long time
The connection feels “once in a lifetime"
You share personal or cultural history (common in LGBTQ+ and tight-knit communities)
You’ve experienced trauma and crave safety and closeness
You're confusing intensity with intimacy
Sometimes, the early days of a fast-moving relationship are fueled by codependent or enmeshed dynamics. That doesn’t make you toxic or broken. It just means you may be trying to meet unmet needs for belonging, regulation, or emotional security through the other person, instead of with yourself.
How Attachment Style Can Fuel Fast-Paced Relationships
Alexis Harney, LMFT
Alexis helps partners reconnect through Gottman Method Couples Therapy, an approach grounded in decades of research on what makes relationships thrive. She offers couples therapy supporting partners who want to strengthen communication and rebuild trust. Alexis also works with couples seeking couples therapy in California and Florida, providing a safe and supportive space for meaningful change.
Our early experiences with caregivers shape how we bond with others, and these patterns tend to show up in romantic relationships, especially in the early stages.
If you have an anxious attachment style, you might crave closeness quickly. The beginning of a relationship can feel like a relief from the loneliness or emotional inconsistency you’ve experienced in the past. It makes perfect sense that you'd want to lock in a sense of security as soon as possible. That urge to merge can feel urgent and overwhelming.
People with avoidant attachment, on the other hand, may rush in for different reasons, like the high of early connection that hasn’t yet threatened your need for independence. But when things start to feel too close, you may pull away, leaving your partner confused and hurt.
Even those with secure attachment can find themselves swept up in intensity if both people are feeding off emotional highs without taking time to slow down.
Understanding your attachment style is about noticing how past experiences might be influencing your behavior today. If you’re rushing to secure closeness, it may be coming from a place of fear, not clarity. And that’s something you can work with, especially in therapy.
Red Flags of Relationship Rushing
It’s easy to miss the signs that a relationship is moving too quickly when you’re in the middle of it. Here are some clues that things may need to slow down:
You’ve skipped important conversations about values, needs, or boundaries
You’ve started sharing deeply personal information before trust has had time to build (also known as floodlighting)
You're already highly emotionally invested, but don’t know how the other person handles stress, conflict, or everyday challenges
You feel anxiety when you're apart or uncertain about how they feel
You’ve deprioritized other parts of your life to make room for the relationship
If this sounds familiar, take a deep breath. Naming the pattern is the first step toward creating something healthier.
So… We Rushed. Now What?
1. Pause, Don’t Panic
Just because you rushed doesn’t mean the relationship has to fall apart. Some couples do start fast and go the distance, but only when they slow down and address what they skipped.
Resist the urge to blow it all up. Instead, create some breathing room so you can evaluate the relationship with more clarity.
2. Start Building (or Rebuilding) Boundaries
If things have felt enmeshed or overly intense, begin creating more space emotionally, physically, and socially.
Try:
Reconnecting with friends or hobbies you may have sidelined
Scheduling intentional alone time
Reflecting on what you need to feel grounded and independent
Healthy relationships thrive on interdependence, not overdependence.
3. Talk About the Pace
It’s okay to name what happened:
“I love how easy it felt to be with you in the beginning. I’m noticing that we jumped in so quickly, we might have skipped some steps. I’d like to make sure we’re building something strong, not just fast.”
This is about care. And it’s a powerful way to re-center the relationship on intention instead of momentum.
4. Assess the Foundation
What do you actually know about this person beyond the chemistry?
Take time to learn:
How do they handle conflict?
What are their long-term goals?
How do they show up when things aren’t going well?
Do they take accountability?
Can they respect your need for space?
While it may be tempting to outright ask your partner about these things, most people aren't as self-aware of their patterns as they think. They may think they handle conflict directly and kindly, but in reality avoid it half the time. They may think they respect your need for space, but find it hard to do so when their own need for reassurance comes up.
These questions are also hard to answer when a relationship is running on infatuation and fantasy. But they’re essential for lasting connection.
Time and observation are the best ways to learn these things about your partner. Simply asking won't give you reliable answers.
5. Watch for Enmeshment or Codependency Patterns
If you find yourself trying to manage their emotions, losing your sense of self, or feeling like your mood depends on theirs, you may be slipping into enmeshed dynamics.
These patterns often form when early emotional fusion replaces slow trust-building. If you notice this happening, therapy can be a supportive space to explore where that tendency comes from and how to shift it.
The Role of Couples Therapy
Working with a couples therapist who specializes in codependency and relationship dynamics can be especially helpful if:
You’re unsure how to slow things down without causing distance
You’re afraid of losing the connection entirely
You notice people-pleasing or anxious attachment patterns showing up
You want to better understand your role in the pace of the relationship
Therapy can help you identify what feels healthy versus familiar, and how to make room for discomfort without shutting down.
It’s Not Too Late to Reset
You’re allowed to rethink the pace of your relationship. You’re allowed to say, “I want to build this in a way that feels good for both of us.” You’re allowed to choose intentional connection over chaos.
Love isn’t a race. Sustainable love requires pacing, not urgency.
Couples Therapy and Therapy For Young Adults In Los Angeles, San Francisco, and Throughout California & Florida
We offer therapy for young adults and couples who want to deepen connection without losing themselves in the process. Whether you’re navigating a fast-moving relationship or recovering from burnout, our team can help. Schedule a free consultation to get started.
