Am I Doing EMDR Therapy Wrong?

If you’ve ever sat in an EMDR therapy session wondering, “Am I doing this right?” you’re in good company. This is one of the most common concerns people bring up, especially early on in the therapy process.

The good news? You can’t do EMDR therapy wrong.

Seriously. That’s not just us being nice. EMDR therapy is designed to work with your brain’s natural healing processes. It’s your EMDR therapist’s responsibility to create the right conditions, guide the process effectively, and respond to anything that comes up along the way.

Still, it makes sense that you might feel unsure, because EMDR can feel pretty weird at first.

Why EMDR Therapy Feels So Unfamiliar

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is different from traditional talk therapy. Instead of focusing solely on insight or problem-solving, EMDR taps into the brain’s memory networks through bilateral stimulation; typically eye movements, tapping, or auditory tones.

This can feel a little strange or even awkward at the beginning. You might find yourself thinking:

• “Am I supposed to be thinking about something specific right now?”

• “I’m not feeling anything; should I be?”

• “My mind is jumping all over the place. Is that bad?”

• “I can’t tell if this is working.”

None of these thoughts mean you’re doing anything wrong. They mean you're having a normal response to a therapy model that works a little differently than most.

You’re Not in Charge of “Making It Work”

One of the most important things to remember is that your job as a client is not to make EMDR therapy work. Your job is to be present, notice what’s happening internally, and report back honestly to your EMDR therapist. That's it.

If something feels confusing or uncomfortable, or if you’re spacing out or struggling to focus, that’s not failure. That’s valuable information that helps your therapist adjust the session to better support you.

How People Think They’re Doing EMDR Wrong (But Aren’t)

1. “My mind keeps wandering.”

Totally normal. The brain doesn’t move in a straight line when processing trauma. Wandering thoughts, unexpected memories, or even random images are often part of the process. Let your therapist know what’s coming up, even if it feels unrelated.

2. “I didn’t feel anything.”

Some people feel deeply emotional during EMDR therapy sessions. Others don’t. Both are okay. The absence of strong emotion doesn’t mean EMDR isn’t working; it may just mean your brain is processing in a more subtle way. Sometimes people don't notice a change until a few days later.

3. “I dissociated and lost track of the session.”

This is especially common for people with complex trauma. If you notice yourself feeling foggy, spaced out, or disconnected, tell your EMDR therapist. It’s their job to help you stay within your window of tolerance, not to push through overwhelm. Working with dissociation is something an EMDR therapist needs to be able to do. But you do need to tell them what you're experiencing.

4. “I needed to ask questions or take a break.”

Asking for clarification, requesting a pause, or slowing things down doesn’t derail your progress at all. EMDR therapy is most effective when you feel safe, grounded, and clear on what’s happening.

If Something Isn’t Working, It’s Your EMDR Therapist’s Job to Adapt

There are many reasons EMDR therapy can be ineffective and only one of them is your responsibility: to be honest and communicative with your EMDR therapist.

If you’ve had an EMDR therapy session (or several) that left you feeling confused, flooded, or like you were left hanging afterward, that’s not your fault. You should tell your EMDR therapist as soon as possible so they can make adjustments. If they don't make adjustments, they may not be the right EMDR therapist for you.

Some EMDR therapists rush through the preparation phase, skip crucial safety work, or apply EMDR protocol rigidly instead of tailoring it to the person in front of them. In our experience providing EMDR therapy in San Francisco and Los Angeles, we’ve seen how that lack of attunement can lead clients to think they’re the problem. In these cases, the issue is actually with how the therapy is being delivered.

You Can’t Do EMDR Therapy Wrong, But You Can Advocate for Yourself

If you’ve been asking yourself whether you’re doing EMDR wrong, chances are you’re deeply engaged in your healing work. That’s something to be proud of. Instead of trying to get it “right,” try focusing on:

• Sharing whatever comes up (even if it seems irrelevant)

• Letting your therapist know if you feel confused or lost

• Noticing your physical and emotional reactions during and after sessions

• Asking questions when you need clarity

Your EMDR therapist should welcome this kind of feedback. It helps them fine-tune the process to support your nervous system, your history, and your pace.

You Don't Need To Be The Expert

You’re not supposed to be the expert in EMDR therapy; your therapist is. If anything feels off, confusing, or too intense, it’s their job to notice and adapt. You can’t do EMDR wrong by having reactions, needing breaks, or being unsure. The only “wrong” in EMDR happens when a therapist doesn’t fully support the client’s needs.

EMDR Therapy In San Francisco, Los Angeles, and Throughout California & Florida

At our practice, we offer EMDR therapy in San Francisco and Los Angeles, as well as several other states, with a focus on helping you feel safe, prepared, and empowered every step of the way.

We believe healing happens when you feel seen, not when you’re pressured to perform.

Looking for an EMDR therapist who will meet you where you are?

Schedule a free consultation to learn more about working with our team.