Three Steps To Set Boundaries With Family For The Holidays

two sets of hands holding a stack of gifts representing how to deal with complicated family dynamics during the holidays and therapy can help

The holiday season brings the promise of joy and togetherness. But for many of us, the prospect of spending extended time with family can be a source of stress and anxiety. If you find yourself in a situation where the holidays with family are more challenging than cheery, fear not. We've got three practical steps to not only survive but thrive during this festive season.

Step One: Create Structure For Family Holiday Gatherings

While spending time with loved ones is a cornerstone of the holidays, you have to strike a balance. If you have endless unstructured time with difficult people, you're going to have a bad time. We recommend that time and activities be structured. Depending on if you're hosting or a guest, this can look different. But having some kind of structure is important. This might look like outings, games, or communicated needs about help with cooking and hosting. It might also look like intentional accommodations.

Sometimes, the best thing you can do to reduce conflict is create natural space between people. Creating an appropriate distance doesn't mean isolation; it's about ensuring healthy emotional space. Plan activities that allow for time apart and structure your time to avoid unstructured gatherings.

Rather than spending the entire day with family, plan breaks or engage in activities that provide moments of solitude. Taking a walk can be rejuvenating. You can even make these breaks helpful by going to the store, doing dishes, or taking a child out to play. However you do it, breaks help you approach family interactions with a refreshed mindset.

Example of Creating Structure During the Holidays

Jane knows that a week of constant togetherness will be overwhelming. Instead of staying at her childhood home, she decides to rent a nearby Airbnb. This way, she can enjoy quality family time while having a personal retreat to recharge when needed. Jane also plans a solo afternoon exploring a local hiking trail, ensuring she maintains a balance between family and self-care.

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Step Two: Communicate Boundaries Effectively

Setting boundaries is an essential skill, especially during the holidays. But boundaries that haven't been communicated are useless. Communicating them effectively can prevent misunderstandings and reduce potential conflicts. Start by expressing your excitement about time together while outlining what you need.

For instance, you might say, "I'm really looking forward to seeing you next week. Unfortunately, I won't be able to make it to the Christmas Eve party, but I'd love to bring over some cookies the night before." This communicates your enthusiasm while setting a clear boundary.

Boundaries are not barriers; they're bridges that help others understand your needs. Be firm in explaining your limitations, and consider offering alternatives that show your commitment to connections. You might get some pushback, questioning, or dismissal. People have all kinds of reactions to boundaries. But that doesn't mean your boundary is wrong.

Example of Setting Boundaries With Family During The Holidays

John faces the challenge of managing holiday expenses with his extended family. To communicate his boundaries, he says, "We're excited to join for the holidays, but we're being mindful of our budget this year. We're planning a fun evening with everyone, but we won’t be able to participate in the usual gift exchange. How about I bring dessert for the party?" By expressing enthusiasm and suggesting an alternative, John ensures his family understands his limitations without creating tension.

a pair of hands holding up a green christmas ornament representing how to set realistic expectations of family during the holidays and how online therapy in california can help

Step Three: Set Realistic Expectations for Success

The key to a successful holiday season lies in managing expectations. We have to differentiate between unrealistic ideals and achievable goals. Instead of hoping for a conflict-free Christmas in a family known for drama, focus on maintaining your integrity and upholding your boundaries.

Define what success means to you for this holiday season. It might involve having meaningful one-on-one conversations. It might mean resisting the urge to engage in drama. Or it might mean creating special moments with specific family members. By setting clear expectations for yourself, you can approach festivities with a sense of purpose. It also helps remind you what you can and cannot control. (Hint: you can't control others' behavior, only your own.)

Example of Setting Reasonable Expectations For Family Holidays

Samantha anticipates the annual family gathering known for its heated discussions. Instead of hoping for zero conflict, she sets a realistic goal: to maintain her composure and avoid getting into arguments. She decides that a successful holiday means having good conversations with her siblings. By reframing her expectations, she sets herself up for success. She's able to enjoy more, too.

Holidays Made More Joyful Through Structure, Boundaries, and Realistic Expectations

Enjoying the holidays with family is not about enduring; it's about thriving despite the challenges. By creating structure, communicating boundaries, and setting realistic expectations, you pave the way for a more peaceful holiday experience. Your well-being matters.

Post-Holiday Self-Care and Reflection: Nurturing Yourself After the Festivities

The holiday season can leave us in need of some post-celebration restoration. Once the decorations are packed away and the last strains of festive music fade, it's time to turn our attention inward. Here's a guide to post-holiday self-care and reflection, ensuring you ease into the new year with a sense of balance and well-being.

Practice Self-Care Through Rest and Restoration

After the holidays, prioritize rest to replenish your energy. This may involve catching up on sleep, a day of reading, or simply allowing yourself moments of quiet. Consider it a necessary recharge for both your body and mind. Engage in activities that help you transition to a more serene mindset.

Emma, after hosting a lively family gathering, dedicates the day after New Year's to rest. She curls up with a good book, takes a long bath, and revels in the peacefulness of a quiet house. When her phone rings, she doesn't answer it. This intentional downtime allows her to recover from the holiday excitement and enter the new year with a clear mind.

Reflect on the Holiday Experience

Take time to reflect on the holiday season. Consider what worked well, what brought you joy, and where challenges arose. Journaling can be a great tool for this reflection, providing a space to express gratitude and process any emotions. This sets the stage for personal growth and a deeper understanding of your needs during future holiday seasons.

Set Intentions for the New Year

As you bid farewell to the year, consider setting intentions for the new one. These intentions can be personal, relational, or professional. Whether it's committing to more self-care practices, fostering deeper connections, or pursuing new goals, looking forward allows you to step into the new year with clarity.

Sophie sets an intention for the new year—to prioritize her mental health. She plans to do regular self-care activities, such as weekly nature walks and dedicated time for painting. This focus on self-care becomes a guiding principle as she embarks on the journey of the upcoming year.

Online Therapy For Self-Care

Curious about how online therapy can support you during the holidays? Schedule a free consultation with our experienced therapists in California. We specialize in navigating family dynamics and stress. Take the first step toward a more joyful and connected holiday season and beyond.