What to Do When EMDR Makes Things Worse
Last reviewed: October 2026
If you've found yourself thinking "EMDR ruined my life" or "why isn't EMDR working for me," welcome. EMDR is a well researched and effective trauma therapy, and it still doesn't work perfectly for everyone. When it goes wrong, it can feel destabilizing, confusing, and discouraging.
EMDR needs careful pacing, proper training, and the right therapeutic fit. If something is off in the timing, the preparation, or the technique, the process can stall or make symptoms worse for a while. That doesn't necessarily mean EMDR is harmful. It usually means something in the setup needs to change.
This post covers three things: why EMDR goes wrong, what to watch for in your first few sessions, and what to do if it already went wrong for you.
If You're Reading This Right After A Hard Session
If you feel much worse after an EMDR session and are thinking about ending your life, please call 988 (US only) or go to the nearest hospital.
Otherwise, take a breath. You don't have to decide anything today.
When EMDR Feels Bad
We've had clients come to us after EMDR experiences that left them worse off than when they started. More flooded. More fragmented. Wondering whether reaching out for help had been a mistake.
If that's where you are, your experience is real. It deserves a real explanation, not just reassurance that EMDR usually works.
When EMDR Has Genuinely Gone Wrong
In our clinical experience, when EMDR harms someone, three things are almost always present.
Not enough resourcing or improper assessment
No clear explanation of what was happening and why
A therapeutic relationship without enough trust to slow down.
Any one of those can make trauma processing dangerous. All three together can leave a client in real distress for weeks.
Resourcing is the preparation phase of EMDR where you build the internal tools to handle what's coming. When it gets skipped or rushed, you enter trauma processing without a way to come back out. That is not EMDR failing. That is a therapist skipping the foundation.
When EMDR Is Working But Doesn't Feel Like It
Alexis Harney, LMFT
Alexis is an EMDRIA Certified Therapist™ who works with adults processing trauma, anxiety, and long-standing patterns that haven't responded to other approaches. She stays current on the research and brings that perspective directly into her clinical work. She sees clients online throughout California and Florida.
There's also a different experience worth naming: EMDR that is working, but doesn't feel like it yet. Real trauma processing is not gentle. In the days after a session, things can feel harder before they feel easier. More dreams. More sensitivity. Old material surfacing that has been quiet for years. It can feel like moving through a tunnel. Uncomfortable in the middle. But the middle is not the end.
The difference between these two experiences changes everything about what to do next. One requires stopping, reassessing, and rebuilding safety before anything else happens. The other requires staying close to your therapist and trusting that movement, even uncomfortable movement, is not the same as harm.
If EMDR hurt you before, that history doesn't disqualify you from healing. It changes where we'd need to start.
What If The Session Was Just Neutral Or Confusing?
Sometimes an EMDR session doesn't feel magically healing, but wasn't bad either. That's very normal. It can take time to see whether EMDR worked, and time to find the right target and process it to completion. Tell your therapist what you noticed and give it a few more sessions. EMDR has a reputation as a quick fix. In practice it takes time.
Ten Reasons EMDR Doesn't Work
1. You Weren't Properly Triggered For EMDR
EMDR's success depends on fully accessing traumatic memories. That means you'll likely feel uncomfortable. It's your therapist's job to make sure this happens. If you're not triggered during EMDR sessions, memory processing may not occur. Triggering for EMDR is tricky because we have built-in defenses against getting triggered. Sometimes your therapist needs to get creative in helping you access upsetting memories. If you're not feeling as upset as you think you could be during EMDR, tell your therapist right away.
Example Of Poor Triggering In EMDR
Sarah had been struggling with anxiety and intrusive memories related to a traumatic event from her childhood. She decided to give EMDR a try, hoping it would help her find some relief. During sessions, the memories she was focusing on didn't feel upsetting the way they did at other times. When she thought about them outside therapy, she was still upset. She felt disconnected from the process and wondered if EMDR was the right choice for her. Eventually she gave up on EMDR because nothing was changing.
Laurel van der Toorn, LMFT
Laurel is a licensed, EMDRIA Certified Therapist™. She works online with clients in California and Florida, with limited availability in Colorado, Michigan, Texas, and Washington.
2. Your Therapist Doesn't Have Proper Training In EMDR
EMDR might seem simple from the outside. A series of questions and some bilateral stimulation. It's much more complicated than that. Real EMDR requires extensive training and ongoing consultation. If your therapist lacks the training, EMDR is unlikely to work. At minimum, your therapist should have completed 50 hours of training through an EMDRIA approved program. Ideally they participate in ongoing consultation with EMDR practitioners and consultants. Formal certification by EMDRIA isn't required for a therapist to provide excellent EMDR. Certification is costly and time-consuming and doesn't guarantee better results.
The Impact Of Poor Therapist Training In EMDR
Mark had been searching for a therapist to help him process his trauma. He found one, but his sessions lacked structure and his therapist seemed unsure about the procedures. This left Mark questioning whether he should continue EMDR. He tried a different EMDR therapist and it was like night and day.
A Note About Self-EMDR And EMDR Apps
Ready to take the next step?
If you're looking for EMDR with thorough preparation and a steady pace, you can learn more about our approach here:
If you see an app or website promoting self-EMDR, don't try to process upsetting memories on your own. Apps that offer bilateral audio and visuals can be useful for relaxation while thinking about positive memories. That's where the benefits end. True processing requires a skilled professional.
3. Your Therapist Skipped Or Rushed The Preparation Phase
We're surprised how often we hear about negative EMDR experiences that come down to preparation. Too many EMDR therapists go straight into processing trauma without building resources and coping tools first. Make sure yours doesn't skip this step. Two red flags show up early, often in the first session or two.
Red Flag: Minimal Or No History Collection
History taking is the cornerstone of effective EMDR. Your therapist should take time to understand your personal history: traumatic events, mental health challenges, symptoms, and triggers. If they rush through it, proceed with caution.
Without a full picture of your life, your therapist can miss critical information and overlook traumas that are connected to each other in ways that aren't obvious yet. And jumping straight into trauma with someone you've just met is a recipe for anxiety and destabilization. History taking is where trust gets built. Skipping it means processing without a relationship to hold it.
Daniella Mohazab, AMFT
Daniella works with adults, teens, and couples dealing with trauma, anxiety, burnout, and identity concerns. She offers EMDR with a grounded, collaborative approach and prioritizes thorough preparation so clients feel supported throughout the process.
Red Flag: Lack Of Resourcing
The emotional activation of EMDR can be intense. Without good resourcing and self-soothing techniques, you may get flooded and shut down. EMDR is often uncomfortable, but you need to be able to stay engaged. If you're outside your ability to cope, you can't engage. Your therapist should help you get to a place where you can handle the intensity before processing starts.
If your therapist doesn't spend time here, it can mean one of two things. They aren't prioritizing your safety, or they believe EMDR is one-size-fits-all. It isn't. EMDR should be tailored to you.
What Does Resourcing Look Like In EMDR?
Tatevik Sarkisian, AMFT
Tatevik brings a warm, thoughtful presence to her EMDR work with clients dealing with trauma, anxiety, burnout, and life transitions. She emphasizes building a strong therapeutic relationship and helping clients feel prepared, resourced, and supported, especially when doing deeper trauma work.
Resourcing is highly personal. For some it takes a single session. For others it takes weeks or months. There's no correct amount of time, other than the time it takes to give you the resources you need.
For some people, connecting with positive memories is helpful. For others, it's imagining nurturing and protective people with them. For others, it's breathing exercises, or connecting with the feeling they get in their body when they're doing something they love. A skilled EMDR therapist provides personalized resourcing before processing traumatic memories.
The Impact Of Poor Resourcing
Alex had heard about EMDR from his roommate and decided to give it a try. During sessions, he found it impossible to manage the intense emotions that came up. He often felt upset for hours afterward, and sometimes for days. He felt confused and alone. His therapist kept going and didn't make any changes. Alex felt overwhelmed and doubted whether he could continue. Ultimately he stopped, because he didn't want to feel that upset anymore.
4. Your Therapist Picked The Wrong Memory To Target
Trauma is weird. Sometimes the thing that's upsetting us is hidden deep in our past. It might not feel directly related to the thing we think we're upset about. But our brains are complex webs of memories, and sometimes things get tied together in ways we don't yet understand.
EMDR Floatback Memories
EMDR often involves finding a "floatback" memory as the starting point for processing. That means the earliest memory related to the thing you came in for. You don't have to find it yourself. Your therapist has a specific line of questions to help identify it. But if they don't land on the right memory, EMDR may not work. It's like the dentist working on the tooth next to the one that hurts.
The targeting conversation should be collaborative. After a memory is selected, you'll talk about it in detail, your therapist will ask specific questions, and they'll check for a floatback. If your therapist doesn't involve you in choosing the target, or skips the floatback check entirely, that's a red flag for the whole course of treatment.
It's not your job to find the right memory. That's part of the training your therapist did to practice EMDR. But if you suspect you don't have the right target, speak up.
Example Of Incorrect EMDR Targeting
Emily had experienced several traumatic events and sought EMDR to address the pain she carried. During sessions, she felt stuck. She never felt better about the memory they were trying to process. In a conversation with a friend, she realized her therapist had never helped her identify the right floatback memory. She told her therapist, who helped identify it. Emily felt the difference soon after. Now she's processed the whole chain of events and feels better than ever.
5. Your Therapist Isn't Using The Right Kind Of Bilateral Stimulation
The core of EMDR is bilateral stimulation: side-to-side sensation, BLS for short. It can involve eye movements, tactile sensations, or auditory cues. None is better than the others, but some people respond better to certain kinds. The wrong style of BLS for you can stall progress. If you're a very visual person, you might need visual BLS. If you like a hands-on approach, tactile might work better. Work with your therapist to find the most effective approach for you.
Example Of Poor BLS Choice
David was eager to try EMDR for his PTSD symptoms. During sessions, he found the eye movements uncomfortable. He had headaches after every session, which made him dread them, and he didn't think EMDR was working. His therapist hadn't explored other BLS methods with him. David asked if there was another way, and his therapist suggested tapping. David thought it sounded weird, but tried it. Right away he noticed a difference. He was able to fully engage and got great results.
6.You're Dissociating During EMDR
Dissociation is a normal coping mechanism, and an adaptive one. It happens when you disconnect from your thoughts, feelings, and memories to protect yourself from being overwhelmed. When asked to revisit your most upsetting memories, it makes sense that some people mentally check out. But it's a real obstacle in EMDR. EMDR only works if you can fully access a memory or feeling state. If you feel like you're not "there" during sessions, speak up. A good EMDR therapist will help you figure out how to stay present. Recognizing dissociation is their job, but they can only work with what you tell them.
Example Of Dissociating During EMDR
Lisa started EMDR with high hopes. But during sessions she often felt like she wasn't fully there, checked out from her body and feelings. After a few weeks, she told her therapist she felt disconnected from the memories instead of processing them. They paused processing and worked on tools to help Lisa stay present. After a few months, she was able to fully engage in EMDR. She also noticed she could tolerate other parts of her life without checking out. Win-win-win.
7. You Have Unresolved Complex Trauma
EMDR is often talked about as a quick fix, and it can be, for simple things. But it may not help with complex trauma if the therapy doesn't address all the underlying issues. Complex trauma involves a web of interconnected experiences and emotions that needs a highly skilled therapist.
What Is Complex Trauma?
Complex trauma most often shows up in our relationships. Prolonged exposure to danger, compounding losses, or severe abuse can create complicated webs of memories. EMDR isn't going to resolve complex trauma in a short timeframe. It can help, but real healing of complex trauma can take years.
If you have complex trauma and want to try EMDR, choose your therapist carefully. They should have extensive experience treating complex trauma specifically.
Complex Trauma Complications In EMDR
Michael had experienced many traumatic events across his childhood and adult life. He decided to try EMDR to work through them. As therapy progressed, he realized his therapist was focusing on individual incidents. Everything felt connected, and he didn't understand why they were separating some memories out and not others. His trauma felt like a never-ending maze and no one had a map. Michael began to doubt whether EMDR could address it.
8. Lack Of Trust And Rapport With Your Therapist
Your therapist's training isn't the only thing that counts. Research consistently finds that how well you click with your therapist is one of the strongest predictors of whether therapy works. If you don't feel comfortable with your EMDR therapist, EMDR won't be as effective. You should feel a solid partnership. It's fine to switch therapists over a weird vibe or a sense that it isn't a good match.
What Happens When You Don't Trust Your Trauma Therapist
Jessica was eager to start EMDR to process a sexual assault from a few years earlier. But she found it hard to open up to her therapist. She felt uncomfortable discussing her real emotions, even knowing it was confidential. She stopped going and decided to tough it out. Then she met someone she wanted to date, and realized the assault was still affecting her relationships. She found a different EMDR therapist and tried a few sessions. It was an instant difference. Her new therapist was warm and personable and Jessica felt understood. They processed the assault and Jessica felt a lot better.
9. Unrealistic Expectations Of EMDR
Like most therapy, EMDR can take time to show results. Some people start expecting immediate, dramatic change. Healing sometimes happens gradually, which is frustrating when you're suffering and want relief now. But EMDR often unfolds in stages, and consistent work over time is what produces lasting change.
The Impact Of Unrealistic Expectations
Ryan started EMDR expecting quick, dramatic results. As sessions went on, he realized healing was going slower than he'd hoped. He'd thought it was supposed to take a few sessions. Disheartened, he began to question whether EMDR was working. He asked his therapist how much longer it would take. His therapist explained that his particular trauma needed more time. Unsatisfied, Ryan stopped therapy and went back to white-knuckling it.
10. You Don't Think EMDR Will Work
Trauma therapy doesn't work if you're not engaged in it. If you think something is a waste of time, it will be. We're not asking for blind faith. Mild skepticism and curiosity are healthy. But if you're an EMDR cynic, it has little chance of helping.
We know this sounds strange. But recent research shows that even with medical and surgical procedures, a patient's belief that the treatment will help accounts for a large share of its effectiveness. It's more complex than a simple placebo effect. The treatment does work. It works a lot better when you think it will.
The Impact Of Skepticism On EMDR
Sandra had heard about EMDR from a friend who'd had remarkable results, and decided to try it. As sessions began, doubts crept in. She found it hard to engage and struggled to believe it could help her. Her therapist noticed and encouraged open communication. It became clear that Sandra's doubt was getting in the way. Through ongoing conversation, they worked through it together. As her belief grew, so did her engagement, and she started to see the benefits.
What To Do If EMDR Already Went Wrong For You
If EMDR left you overwhelmed, disoriented, or worse off, we want to say this first: we're sorry that happened. When therapy is supposed to help and instead leaves you feeling worse, it's especially jarring. And it's not because you "weren't doing it right." Most of the time, a bad EMDR experience is about the therapist's approach, not your ability to handle the work.
Here's what we tell people who come to us after a bad experience.
1. Give Yourself Time To Process
Before making decisions, give yourself space to feel what you're feeling. Frustration, disappointment, anxiety, grief: all of it makes sense. Journaling can help clarify what felt off. So can talking with a trusted friend or a trauma-informed provider who won't minimize your reaction. Give your body extra rest in the days after a hard session. The goal isn't to fix it overnight. It's to make room for what happened without pressure.
2. Talk To Your Therapist, If You Feel Safe Doing So
If you're still working with the same therapist, consider sharing your concerns. A thoughtful therapist will welcome feedback and adjust. If they get defensive, dismissive, or shift the blame onto you, that's a red flag, and it may be time to look elsewhere.
A few ways to start the conversation:
"I've been thinking about our last session, and I left feeling really overwhelmed. I'm not sure EMDR is right for me right now. Can we talk about it?"
"Can we go over what happened last time? I don't think I was ready to go that deep."
"I need a slower pace and more support between sessions. Can we talk about how to structure that?"
If speaking up doesn't feel safe, you're not obligated to continue with that therapist.
3. Know That EMDR Isn't The Only Option
EMDR isn't the only path through trauma. Some people do best with a combination of approaches, or a different method entirely. Parts work or Internal Family Systems (IFS) works gently with different emotional states. Sensorimotor and somatic therapies build regulation through the body. Narrative therapy focuses on meaning-making. Attachment-based therapy builds safety in the relationship before going anywhere near trauma content.
4. Give Yourself Permission To Walk Away, Or Come Back Later
You can always return to EMDR later if it feels right. It's okay if it's not what you need now. Sometimes the most healing decision is to pause EMDR and focus on stabilization. Other times, people come back to EMDR with a different therapist and have a completely different experience.
When you're deciding, ask yourself: Do I feel resourced enough to return to this right now? Do I feel safe with this therapist? Have I been taught any grounding tools to use between sessions? Only you get to decide if, when, and how you return.
5. Take Care Of Your Nervous System In The Meantime
Even if you don't return to EMDR, your body needs care after a hard session. Walks and time outside help reorient. Calming music, breathing exercises, and progressive muscle relaxation help settle. So does time with people who help you feel grounded, and comforting TV, books, or anything creative. The body holds onto trauma, and it also responds to consistency and small moments of regulation.
Again: if you feel much worse after an EMDR session and are thinking about ending your life, please call 988 (US only) or go to the nearest hospital.
If EMDR Didn't Work For You, You Still Have Options
If you tried EMDR and it felt overwhelming, ineffective, or destabilizing, that doesn't mean you're beyond help. It usually means the approach, pacing, or fit wasn't right for your nervous system.
At Laurel Therapy Collective, we specialize in paced, relational trauma therapy. Our clinicians take preparation seriously and tailor treatment to your history, goals, and capacity. We love working with people who had a bad experience elsewhere and want to try again. If EMDR didn't work for you before, we can help you understand why, and what might work better.
A good EMDR therapist adjusts pacing, modality, and structure to match your nervous system. If something felt off before, a second opinion and a different experience are reasonable things to want.
EMDR Therapists In Los Angeles, San Francisco, And Throughout California And Florida
If you're looking for an EMDR therapist, we offer EMDR therapy in Los Angeles, EMDR therapy in San Francisco, and online EMDR anywhere in California, plus Florida. Our teletherapy sessions are as effective as in-person; multiple studies have shown this. If you're ready to start working toward living without your trauma running things, let's talk.
Our Other Services Besides EMDR
If EMDR isn't the right fit right now, we offer a range of other services. Burnout therapy and holistic therapy, therapy for lawyers and other professionals, couples therapy using the Gottman Method, teen therapy, LGBTQ-affirming therapy, and Enneagram therapy. Whether you're working through trauma, burned out, working on your relationship, or supporting a teen, we can help you find an approach that fits.
Frequently Asked Questions About EMDR Not Working
1. Does EMDR work for everyone?
No therapy works for everyone. EMDR is highly effective for many people, but attachment style, dissociation, readiness, and therapist skill all affect outcomes.
2. What should I do if EMDR isn't working for me?
Talk openly with your therapist about what feels off. Adjusting pacing, improving preparation, or addressing stabilization first can dramatically improve results.
3. Can EMDR make symptoms worse?
It can temporarily increase distress if traumatic material is accessed without adequate preparation. That's why proper training and pacing are critical.
4. What are the red flags in a first EMDR session?
Little or no history taking, jumping into processing without resourcing, and picking a target without involving you or checking for a floatback memory. Any of these is a reason to slow down and ask questions.
5. When does EMDR not work?
EMDR may stall when clients are highly dissociative, not adequately triggered, working with undertrained therapists, or lacking emotional safety in the process.
6. Why do some people say EMDR ruined their life?
When EMDR is rushed, poorly prepared, or improperly delivered, it can temporarily intensify symptoms. This can feel overwhelming and discouraging, especially without strong support from the therapist.
Burnout has become so common among high achievers that many people assume it is simply part of adulthood. Feeling exhausted all the time? Normal. Struggling to concentrate? Normal. Dreading work but pushing through anyway? Also normal.
Except it is not.