EMDR Ruined My Life? 10 Reasons EMDR Doesn’t Work for Some People
If you’ve found yourself thinking, “EMDR ruined my life” or “Why isn’t EMDR working for me?” you’re not alone. While EMDR is a highly researched and effective trauma therapy, it does not work perfectly for everyone. And when it goes wrong, it can feel destabilizing, confusing, or even discouraging.
EMDR requires careful pacing, proper training, and the right therapeutic fit. If something is off — whether it’s timing, preparation, or technique — the process can stall or even intensify symptoms temporarily. That doesn’t necessarily mean EMDR is harmful. It often means something in the setup or execution needs adjustment.
Understanding why EMDR doesn’t work in some cases can help you make informed decisions about your treatment and feel more empowered moving forward.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a hot treatment right now. Many people, including celebrities, have cited it as a game-changer for their mental health. The research backs this up; EMDR is a potent therapeutic approach for processing trauma and treating PTSD. But like any therapy, its effectiveness can vary from person to person. If you've tried EMDR therapy without experiencing the expected results, you're not alone. Let's explore ten reasons why EMDR may not work as expected.
1. You Weren't Properly Triggered For EMDR
EMDR's success hinges on fully accessing traumatic memories. That means you'll likely feel uncomfortable. It’s your therapist’s job to make sure this happens. If you're not triggered during EMDR therapy sessions, memory processing may not occur. Triggering for EMDR is tricky because we have built-in natural defenses against getting triggered. Sometimes your therapist needs to get creative in helping you access upsetting memories. If you're not feeling as upset as you think you could be during EMDR, tell your therapist right away.
Example of Poor Triggering in EMDR
Sarah had been struggling with anxiety and intrusive memories related to a traumatic event from her childhood. She decided to give EMDR therapy a try, hoping it would help her find some relief. During her sessions, the memories she was focusing on didn't feel upsetting like they were at other times. When she thought about it outside therapy, she was still upset. She felt disconnected from the process and wondered if EMDR was the right choice for her. Eventually she gave on up EMDR because nothing was changing.
Alexis Harney, LMFT
Alexis is a licensed, fully trained EMDR therapist. She works online with clients in California & Florida.
Laurel van der Toorn, LMFT
Laurel is a licensed, fully trained EMDR therapist. She works online with clients in California, Florida, Michigan, and Washington.
2. Your Therapist Doesn't Have Proper Training in EMDR
EMDR might seem simple from the outside. There's a series of questions and some bilateral stimulation. But it's much more complicated than that. True EMDR therapy requires extensive training and ongoing consultation. If your therapist lacks the necessary training and expertise, EMDR is unlikely to work. Clients should always ensure that their therapist holds the appropriate qualifications. At minimum, your therapist should have completed 50 hours of training through an EMDRIA approved program. Ideally they participate in ongoing consultation with EMDR practitioners and consultants. Formal certification by EMDRIA is not necessary for a therapist to provide excellent EMDR. EMDRIA certification is costly and time-consuming and does not guarantee better results.
The Impact Of Poor Therapist Training in EMDR
Mark had been searching for a therapist to help him process his trauma. He found a therapist, but his sessions lacked structure. His therapist seemed unsure about the procedures. This left Mark questioning whether he should continue EMDR. He decided to try a different EMDR therapist and it was like night and day.
A Note About Self-EMDR and EMDR Apps
Ready to take the next step?
If you’re looking for EMDR therapy with thorough preparation and a steady pace, you can learn more about our approach here:
If you see an app or website promoting self-EMDR, don't try to process upsetting memories on your own. Apps and sites that offer bilateral audio and visuals can be great tools for relaxation while thinking about positive memories. But that's where the benefits end. True processing requires a skilled professional.
3. Lack of Resourcing and Self-Soothing Preparation For EMDR Therapy
We're surprised how often we hear about negative EMDR experiences due to lack of preparation. We've heard about too many EMDR therapists who went right into processing trauma without building resources and coping tools. Be sure your therapist doesn’t skip this step.
The Importance of Resourcing For EMDR Therapy
The emotional activation of EMDR therapy can be intense. Without good resourcing and self-soothing techniques, you may get flooded and shut down. EMDR is often uncomfortable, but you need to be able to engage in the process. If you're outside your ability to cope, you can't engage. It's understandable to find it challenging to manage the distress that can arise during EMDR sessions. Your therapist should help you work toward being able to handle the intensity if it's hard for you.
Daniella Mohazab, AMFT
Daniella works with adults, teens, and couples dealing with trauma, anxiety, burnout, and identity concerns. She offers EMDR therapy with a grounded, collaborative approach and prioritizes thorough preparation so clients feel supported throughout the process.
What Does Resourcing Look Like In EMDR Therapy?
Resourcing is a highly personalized process. For some it takes a single session. For others it takes weeks or months of therapy. There's no correct amount of time, other than the time it takes to give you the resources you need.
For some people, connecting with positive memories is helpful. For others, it's imagining nurturing and protective family or friends with them. For others, it’s breathing exercises and affirmations, or connecting with the feeling they get in their body when they're doing something they love. A skilled EMDR therapist should provide personalized resourcing before processing traumatic memories.
The Impact of Poor Resourcing and Self-Soothing For EMDR Therapy
Tatevik Sarkisian, AMFT
Tatevik brings a warm, thoughtful presence to her EMDR work with clients navigating trauma, anxiety, burnout, and life transitions. She emphasizes building a strong therapeutic relationship and helping clients feel prepared, resourced, and supported, especially when doing deeper trauma work.
Alex had heard about the effectiveness of EMDR for trauma processing from his room mate. He decided to give it a try. But during EMDR sessions, Alex found it impossible manage the intense emotions that arose. He often felt upset for hours after his sessions, and sometimes the next few days. He felt confused and alone. His EMDR therapist kept going and didn't make any changes. Alex felt overwhelmed and doubting whether he could continue with the therapy. Ultimately, he stopped going because he didn't want to feel so upset anymore.
4. Your EMDR Therapist Picked The Wrong Memory To Target in EMDR Therapy
Trauma is weird. Sometimes the thing that's actually upsetting us is hidden deep in our past. It might not feel directly related to the thing we think we're upset about. But our brains are complex webs of memories. Sometimes things get tied together in a way we don't yet understand.
EMDR Therapy Floatback Memories
EMDR often involves finding a "floatback" memory as a starting point for memory processing. This means finding the earliest memory that's related to the thing you came in for. You don't have to do this yourself. Your EMDR therapist has a specific line of questions to help you identify your floatback. But if your EMDR therapist does not identify the right memory, EMDR may not work. It's critical to address the root causes of distress. Engaging in a collaborative process with your therapist can help pinpoint the right memory to target during sessions.
Please know it's not your job to find the right memory to target during EMDR. That's part of the 50-hour training your EMDR therapist did to be qualified to practice EMDR. But if you suspect you don't have the right target, speak up.
Example of Incorrect EMDR Targeting
Emily had experienced several traumatic events in her life and sought EMDR therapy to address the emotional pain she carried. During her sessions, Emily felt stuck. She never felt better about the memory they were trying to process. In a conversation with a friend, she realized that her EMDR therapist had not helped her identify the right "floatback" memory. That's why she felt frustrated and unsure about the therapy's effectiveness. She told her EMDR therapist, who helped identify the right memory. Emily felt the difference soon afterward. Now, she's processed the whole chain of events and feels better than ever.
5. Your EMDR Therapist Isn’t Using The Right Kind Of Bilateral Stimulation For EMDR Therapy
The core of EMDR's effectiveness lies in bilateral stimulation. That means side-to-side sensation, and we call it BLS for short. BLS can involve eye movements, tactile sensations, or auditory cues. None are better than others, but some people respond better to certain kinds of BLS. The choice of the wrong style of BLS for your needs can impede progress. If you know you're a very visual person, you might need visual BLS. If you like a hands-on approach, you might want tactile BLS. Work collaboratively with your EMDR therapist to find the most effective BLS approach for you.
Read more about different types of bilateral stimulation.
Example of Poor BLS Choice In EMDR Therapy
David was eager to try EMDR therapy to address his PTSD symptoms. During his sessions, he found the eye movements to be uncomfortable. He had headaches after every session, which made him dread them. He also didn't think EMDR was effective. His EMDR therapist hadn't explored alternative bilateral stimulation methods with him. David asked if there were any other ways to do EMDR, and his EMDR therapist suggested tapping. David thought it sounded weird, but gave it a try. Right away he noticed a difference. He was able to fully engage in trauma therapy and experienced great results.
6. You're Dissociating During EMDR Therapy
Dissociation is a normal coping mechanism. It's quite adaptive, actually. Dissociation happens when you disconnect from your thoughts, feelings, and memories to protect yourself from feeling overwhelmed. When asked to revisit your most upsetting memories, it makes sense that some people would mentally check out. But it can pose a significant challenge during EMDR therapy. Remember, EMDR only works if you can fully access a memory or feeling state. Some people may dissociate during EMDR sessions, detaching from the traumatic memories rather than processing them. If you feel like you're not "there" during EMDR therapy, speak up. Good EMDR therapists should help you figure out how to stay present during therapy.
Example of Dissociating During EMDR Therapy
Lisa started EMDR therapy with high hopes. But during her sessions, she often felt like she wasn't fully there. She felt checked out from her body and feelings. After a few weeks, she told her EMDR therapist she felt disconnected from the traumatic memories instead of processing them. They paused trauma processing and worked on tools to help Lisa stay present during therapy. After a few months, she was able to fully engage in EMDR. She also noticed she was able to tolerate other parts of her life without checking out too. It was a win-win-win.
7. You Have Unresolved Complex Trauma
EMDR is often mistakenly talked about as a quick fix. And it can be a quick fix for simple things. But it might not help with complex trauma if the therapy does not address all the underlying issues. Complex trauma involves a detailed web of interconnected experiences and emotions that require a highly skilled therapist.
What is Complex Trauma?
Complex trauma most often shows up in our relationships. Prolonged exposure to danger, compounding losses, or severe abuse and suffering can create complicated webs of memories. EMDR isn't going to work in a short timeframe for complex trauma. It can help, but true healing of complex trauma can take years.
If you have complex trauma and want to try EMDR, be sure to carefully select your therapist. EMDR therapists working with complex trauma should have extensive experience in treating complex trauma.
Complex Trauma Complications in EMDR Therapy
Michael had experienced many traumatic events throughout his childhood and adult life, resulting in a complex web of emotional pain and distress. He decided to explore EMDR therapy to work through these experiences. However, as therapy progressed, he realized that his EMDR therapist was primarily focusing on individual traumatic incidents. Everything felt connected, and he didn't understand why they were separating some memories out and not others. His trauma felt like a never-ending maze and no one had a map. Michael began to doubt whether EMDR could address his complex trauma.
8. Lack of Trust and Rapport With Your EMDR Therapist
Your EMDR therapist's training isn't the only thing that matters. Research shows that 80% of the effectiveness of therapy is based on how well you click with your therapist. Establishing trust and rapport with your EMDR therapist is essential for the success of EMDR therapy. If you don't feel comfortable with your EMDR therapist, EMDR won't be as effective. You should feel a solid partnership for healing to occur. It's fine to switch EMDR therapists based on a weird vibe or feeling like it's not a good match.
What Happens When You Don't Trust Your Trauma Therapist
Jessica was eager to start EMDR therapy to process a sexual assault she experienced a few years ago. But she found it challenging to open up to her EMDR therapist. She felt uncomfortable discussing her real emotions. Even though she knew it was confidential, she couldn't get comfortable. She stopped going and decided to tough it out herself. But when she met someone wonderful she wanted to date, she realized her sexual trauma was impacting her relationships. She found a different EMDR therapist and decided to try a few sessions. It was an instant difference. Her new EMDR therapist was warm and personable and Jessica felt understood and cared for. They processed her sexual trauma and Jessica felt a lot better.
9. Unrealistic Expectations of EMDR Therapy
Like many forms of psychotherapy, EMDR may take time to feel results. Some clients may start therapy expecting immediate and dramatic changes. But healing sometimes occurs gradually. This can be frustrating. When we're suffering, we want to feel better as soon as possible. But patience and perseverance are key in the journey of EMDR therapy. Healing often unfolds in stages, and consistent effort over time can lead to profound transformations.
The Impact of Unrealistic Expectations for EMDR Therapy
Ryan started his EMDR journey with high hopes of quick and dramatic results. As sessions progressed, he realized that healing was going slower than he anticipated. He thought it was supposed to be a quick fix, just a few sessions. Disheartened by the slow progress, Ryan began to question whether EMDR was effective for him. He asked his EMDR therapist how much longer EMDR would take. His EMDR therapist explained that his particular trauma takes more time to process. Unsatisfied with that answer, Ryan stopped therapy and went back to white-knuckling it through life.
10. You Don't Think EMDR Therapy Will Work
Trauma therapy doesn't work if you're not fully engaged in the process. If you think something is a waste of time, it will be. We're not requiring blind trust and devotion to a new type of therapy. Mild skepticism and curiousity is fine and healthy. But if you're an EMDR cynic, it has little potential to bring about healing.
We know this sounds weird. But recent literature shows that even with medical and surgical procedures, the patient's belief that the treatment will help accounts for a huge amount of the effectiveness. It's more complex than a simple placebo effect. The treatment DOES work. But it works a lot better when you think it will. A willing and open mindset allows clients to fully explore their traumatic experiences. EMDR can only be as effective as the client's willingness to participate in the process.
The Impact of Skepticism on EMDR Therapy
Sandra had heard about EMDR therapy from a friend who had experienced remarkable results. Intrigued by the potential for healing, she decided to give it a try to address her past trauma. However, as she began her EMDR sessions, doubts and skepticism crept in. She found it challenging to engage in the process and struggled to believe that it could help her. Her EMDR therapist noticed her reservations and encouraged open communication. It became clear that Sandra's lack of belief in EMDR therapy was impeding her progress. Through ongoing discussions and support, they worked together to address her doubts and develop a more positive outlook on EMDR. As her belief in the therapy's potential grew, Sandra's engagement deepened. She began to experience the healing benefits EMDR had to offer.
EMDR As An Effective Trauma Therapy
While EMDR has been transformative for many people, its effectiveness can vary for a lot of reasons. If you were disappointed with EMDR therapy, don’t lose hope. Open and honest discussions with your therapist about your concerns are invaluable. Together, you can explore roadblocks, learn tools, adapt EMDR to your needs, and implement strategies to overcome these challenges.
Remember that the journey of healing and recovery is individualized. Progress can often be nonlinear. With patience, flexibility, and the unwavering support of a qualified therapist, EMDR can still be a valuable and effective tool in your path to healing.
If EMDR Didn’t Work for You, You Still Have Options
If you tried EMDR therapy and it felt overwhelming, ineffective, or destabilizing, that does not mean you are beyond help. It often means the approach, pacing, or therapeutic fit was not right for your nervous system.
At Laurel Therapy Collective, we specialize in trauma-informed, paced, and relational therapy. Our clinicians take preparation seriously and tailor treatment to your history, goals, and capacity.
If EMDR did not work for you in the past, we can help you understand why and what might work better.
Finding the Right Fit EMDR Therapist Matters
A good EMDR therapist will adjust pacing, modality, and structure to match your nervous system and goals. If something felt off before, you deserve a second opinion and a different experience.
If you are ready to explore therapy that feels safer, more collaborative, and more attuned, we would love to talk.
EMDR Therapists In Los Angeles, San Francisco, and Throughout California and Florida
If you’re looking for an EMDR therapist, we are happy to offer EMDR therapy in Los Angeles, as well as throughout California and Florida. Our convenient teletherapy services are just as effective as in-person: multiple EMDRIA-funded studies have proven this. If you want to start working toward processing your trauma and living life free from its grasp, book a free consultation.
Our Other Services Besides EMDR Therapy
If EMDR therapy is not the right fit right now, we offer a wide range of other services to support your mental health. We provide burnout therapy and holistic therapy for high achievers, therapy for lawyers and other professionals, couples therapy using Gottman Method principles, teen therapy, LGBTQ-affirming therapy, and Enneagram therapy. Whether you are healing from trauma, feeling burned out, working on your relationship, or supporting a teen, we can help you find an approach that fits your goals and nervous system.
Frequently Asked Questions About EMDR Not Working
1. Why do some people say EMDR ruined their life?
When EMDR is rushed, poorly prepared, or improperly delivered, it can temporarily intensify symptoms. This can feel overwhelming and discouraging, especially without strong therapeutic support.
2. Does EMDR work for everyone?
No therapy works for everyone. EMDR is highly effective for many trauma survivors, but individual factors like attachment style, dissociation, readiness, and therapist skill all affect outcomes.
3. What should I do if EMDR isn’t working for me?
Talk openly with your therapist about what feels off. Sometimes adjusting pacing, improving preparation, or addressing stabilization first can dramatically improve results.
4. Can EMDR make symptoms worse?
It can temporarily increase distress if traumatic material is accessed without adequate preparation. This is why proper training and pacing are critical.
5. When does EMDR not work?
EMDR may stall when clients are highly dissociative, not adequately triggered, working with undertrained therapists, or lacking emotional safety in the process.
